The book I have chosen for my first "book report" is one I have mentioned on here before, and one that I have just recently read.
Have A New Kid By Friday by Dr. Kevin Leman is a book with tips on parenting.
In addition to writing many books which include
The Birth Order Book, and
Sheet Music, Dr. Leman, Ph. D., is heard on the radio, and has appeared on many television shows, such as Oprah, Today, and the View. He has a doctorate in psychology and has raised 5 children.
I had seen this book in our Christian bookstore as well as online and in the CBD cataloge we receive in the mail. The title definitely is intriguing, but I wasn't sure if it would be worth the read so I did not think much more about it. But, as is often the case, we were asked if we recommended it, which we were not sure since we had not read it. In addition to being asked about it, we were going through a "phase" with Leila where we were pretty much at our whit's end on knowing what to do to get across to her. So, Matt came home with it one day and I immediately began to read it.
The first thing I will say is that it is very easy reading. He has a way of writing that makes it very simple to sit down and read quite a bit in one sitting. He also has a sense of humor which comes out in his writing quite often.
The basic idea of the book is sort of a 5-step plan to rearing your children. He claims that if you do these things that he suggests to you, starting, say on a Monday, then by Friday your children will be obeying and responding to you much better - almost as if you had a new child (if you didn't already catch that from the title!) He basically lays out what a parent should do when it comes to disciplining your child and to stick to your method. A few of his ideas are:
- B doesn't happen before A is accomplished. For instance, if you told your child to make his bed, and he comes to you and wants to go play outside, you do not let him play outside until he has made his bed. When he asks you to play outside, then you ask him if he made his bed. If he has not, then you tell him "no" because he did not obey and make his bed. Explain it to him.
- Say something to your child and only say it once. Then, turn around and walk away.
- Stick to your guns. If you told your child to do something, and they did not do it, you do not let them have any privileges the rest of the day. Even if this means that you are inconvenienced for the time being. It will pay off in the end. And don't give in, no matter how much the child whines and cries and yells and screams. You are the parent.
Now, I know that none of this is new stuff. We all know this stuff. So this book was nothing earth shattering to me. What it did do was encourage me that I was doing things right. Much of what he said to do we were already doing. It was just nice to hear it from someone to keep on doing it.
He says that if you stick to his "plan" than it will only take 5 days to change your child around. I look at this the same way I look at all those "potty training in 3 days" plans - it's a bunch of hoopla. Training our children to do what's right can't be done overnight. If you are anything like me, you are still trying to learn to obey the Lord in EVERYTHING and obeying RIGHT AWAY! So his idea that it is some miracle plan to have the perfect child in five days seems a bit extreme.
At the same time, throughout this book, you will notice that he is not really trying to change your children, but is changing YOU. The thing that sticks out the most to me is when he says that parents need to learn to "respond instead of react." That is something that I am working on. And I have seen that when I respond rather than react to my children's temper, fit, etc., they respond to how I respond. These steps he gives is really just showing you how to change how you look at discipline. We need to want a heart change, not just an attitude change. We need to explain why our children are not given a privilege (because they did not obey) rather than just ignoring them or saying "because!" Now, children do need to learn to accept what we say without question, but they also need to understand why they are being punished. That is all part of getting a heart change rather than just an action and attitude change.
The actual "5 step plan" really only takes up about 1/3 of the book. The last 2/3 is a topical index of different issues a parent may face and how to deal with it. That way, if you don't necessarily have the time to read the whole thing, you can look up whatever issue you want some advice on and read that section. The issues he deals with cover things from tantrums to tattling, potty training to staying over night, or breaking curfew to smoking. So it is applicable to parents with any age child from newborn to teenager.
In summary, this book is nothing new that we have not heard before, yet it is encouraging to remind you that you are not alone, that many others face the same issues, and much of what you are doing is good and helpful. It is not a "magic potion" that will solve all your discipline issues, but will help guide you through it all. It does give some tips that maybe you have not thought of before, or have thought of but not sure how to implement it.
I would recommend this book for any parent to add to their library of parenting books to read and refer to if needed.
The book I have recently read that I wanted to share with you all is, "The Wide-Eyed Wonder Years. A Mommy's Guide to Preschool Daze" by Lorilee Craker. You may recognize the author from other books, one of which is "When the Bellybutton Pops, the Baby's Done" which is a book on pregnancy. Love that one, too.
