It's Confession Time Again

So, my blogging has been a bit, uh, nonexistent since we moved here to Alberta.  That has been for many reasons.  We've been busy.  We've been adjusting to a new church, new places, new everything.  We love living here.  We love our new church.  We love the town. We love the area.  But there was one thing we haven't loved.  And I need to confess.  I've had a very bad attitude about it.  Let me explain.

When we left New Brunswick, we knew the church we were going to, but beyond that, we didn't know much more.  We were still taking a step of faith.  Our home there had not yet sold.  But we knew this was what God had for us, so we knew He had a plan.  Well, wouldn't you know that just a few hours down the road after we left, we got a call from our realtor and we had an offer on the house!  But, it was not enough to cover a down payment on a new house, so we knew we would be renting for a while.  We had a house we were planning to rent for at least 6 months.

After 8 days of travel we arrived in Ponoka and went to our rental.  I knew it wasn't going to be the Plaza or anything.  Some people in the church had seen it and told us it was in need of a good scrubbing.  The house came furnished if we wanted it to be.  Well, we walked in and my heart dropped a little.

It was quite dirty.  It smelled.  The furniture that was there was not much of what I would want to use.  And there was junk everywhere.  We went down to the basement and saw even worse.  The carpet was ripped and stained all over the place.  Dog hair and, um, "droppings"  were on floor too.  It was even more stinky than upstairs.  We walked into one of the rooms and my mouth dropped open.  It was floor to ceiling, all four walls covered in black chalkboard paint. And that was covered in all kinds of inappropriate phrases, words and drawings.  We immediately had the kids leave as we did not want Liam reading any of it.  There were symbols that I'm to sure what all they mean, but don't want to.  It was awful.

I was very disappointed, but knew we had no other option so I would just have to deal with it.  So we did.  We had a deal with the landlord that we would paint the interior of the house if she would drop the monthly rent by $300.  So, we obviously knew which room to do first.  Now, let me tell you, if you ever get the notion to paint a WHOLE room with chalkboard paint, DON'T DO IT!  It is very, very hard to paint over.  And you have to use oil based paint.  And you have to sand it first.  It took Matt several days to do that one small room.  And oil based paint is very potent in the fumes department.

So, that was the house when we moved in.  But more than that, the next few months were not the best experience house wise for us.  There was a lot wrong with the house, and our landlord didn't do much about it.  In truth, I don't think she had much experience as a landlord, and she now lives out of town, so I don't think she really had much of an idea as to what she needed to do.  But I had a bad attitude about it all.

I had a bad attitude that we had to clean the house, and the carpet when we moved in (And when we moved out).  I had a bad attitude when she just told us the dishwasher didn't work, that the back door  was broken, but didn't do anything to fix it.  I had a bad attitude when we agreed to store all her things for her, so we couldn't use any of the storage space or the garage for our things.  I had a bad attitude that several windows were broken, and that the kids' room in the basement had a mildew smell that just kept getting worse and worse.

But I think the straw that broke the camels back was last month.  We had a major rainstorm with very strong winds.  So strong, that the next day, we realized one of the already sickly trees had cracked and one part of it was laying on the house, right over the front door and ready to completely fall to the ground at the next big gust of wind.  We texted her and sent her pictures asking what she wanted us to do.  Her answer? "I don't have any money, so just leave it."  Um, no.  Wrong answer.  My children, along with about 10 other neighbourhood children play in our front yard each and every day.  It is not safe to just leave and that would not be an option. 

I got quite upset, but Matt handled it well, much better than me.  He told her that if she gave him written permission to take care of it and that she would not hold us liable for any possible damage to the house, then he would see to it.  She gave him permission and he called a few men from church and they came with ropes and chainsaws, etc. and cut the whole tree down.  I was so relieved that it was taken care of, but still really irritated that she didn't seem to care about our safety.

That happened on a Thursday evening.  On Saturday morning, one of those men came back to finish cleaning up all the debris.  I was so thankful that we had such willing and ready helpers in the church.  And talented people....

Later the next week, Matt came home from church with a gift for us.  It was a bowl.  Not just any bowl, but a wooden bowl.  Made from the tree that was taken down from our house.  Its a beautiful bowl that will have a great function.  And the Lord has used it to teach me a lesson.

Sometimes we have frustrating and difficult circumstances in our lives.  Whether it be a work situation, a family issue, or a landlord thing.  It can be upsetting, frustrating, difficult or just plain unfair.  It can make absolutely no sense to us.  It can be devastating.  But in all that, in all the trial and turmoil, the tears, fears, and frustrations, God can and will, if we are willing, take that "bad" thing and turn it into something beautiful and useful. 

Like my bowl.  It was a weak, old tree, that wasn't much use for anything but blocking our view from one of the rooms.  But it is now turned into a gorgeous bowl useful for a number of things.

Now, although we had a frustrating 6 months, God has allowed us to make good friendships with the neighbours in that neighbourhood, especially our kids.  God knew our kids needed to make friends their ages to help the transition.  God knew I needed that.

And now, as of last Saturday, we are moved into a beautiful home.  One that is TONS nicer and a much better layout for us.  One that we are renting until January, then going to buy (more on that in another post).  One that we LOVE.  One that is beautiful and definitely fully functional.

So now, I keep that bowl out on my counter top so that I see it - often.  It is a constant reminder to me that something beautiful can come out of something not so beautiful.  That God can and will make something beautiful out of the hard circumstances in life.

So I confess.  I have had a bad attitude.  But I am trying to do much better.  God has made sure to remind me of that.

Until next time...

I've Got A Confession

I've been a "bad" mom lately.  I've been very frustrated with my children.  I've lost my temper.  I have raised my voice way above where I would ever want to admit.  I've wanted to scream.  I've just up and walked out of a room where they all were and told them that I will come back a little later.  I've had a hard time with the parenting thing, these past few weeks.

Maybe its because it is still so cold outside that we are stuck indoors a large part of the time.  Maybe it is because we are all still adjusting to a new place.  Maybe it is because our sweet 14 month old still does not sleep for more than 4 hours at a time.  Which makes this one exhausted momma. And the incessant whining, bickering, and fighting from the other three is getting to me. Maybe it is just because I'm a sinner, my children are sinners, and we are all trying to live in the same house, sinning together.  Whatever the excuse I could throw at you won't change the fact that I have just plain been struggling.  I've had to apologize to my children for how I have been.  I've been irritated with myself for my struggling.

But God brought me a great reminder this morning, oddly enough, through Facebook.  I got up this morning, and sat with my kids as they were watching Doc McStuffins.  I had my iPad and was browsing through Facebook "just to see what was happening in the world."  And that's when I saw a post from one of our friends.  They had commented on a page of some couple who were announcing that their precious, nearly 1 month old baby, was now home with Jesus.  Immediately my eyes were filled with tears and I was ashamed.

From what I can gather, this baby girl was this couple's first child.  And due to complications (placental abruption, I believe) the baby at birth had gone 9 minutes without a heartbeat or oxygen.  She was revived, but had brain injuries.  She was kept alive for about 20 days, but last night, God took her home.  The post said that she was in the arms of her mommy and daddy when she left this world.

My heart aches for this couple.  Even now I can barely type because of the tears in my eyes. I do not know this couple, probably never will.  But the pain and ache I feel for them is nothing compared to what they must be feeling.  I have been lifting them up to God in prayer ever since I saw that post.  Praying for strength and comfort.  For acceptance and growth spiritually.

It was through this post that God touched my heart and reminded me to take a step back, look around, and be thankful.  Be thankful that I am surrounded by 4 beautiful children who are healthy.  Be thankful that I can look into the bright blue eyes of all 4 of them and tell them, "I Love You!"  Be thankful that I can pick them up, squeeze them tight and kiss their soft cheeks.  Be thankful that I can smile at them, and receive a huge smile in return.  Be thankful.  To just be thankful.

Then God reminded me of this post I read a few weeks ago.  This sweet mom has a precious daughter with many health problems.  Her daughter is completely dependent upon her parents for everything.  They can't carry on a conversation with her.  They can't enjoy the experience of their child running and jumping into their arms.  They can't experience all the "normal" childhood stages like others.  And yet, she has a very positive attitude about it all.  Oh, I know she probably has her bad days, but still, this post made me, again, stop and be thankful.

So why am I writing all this?  Its not because I want any sympathy or whatever.  I am writing this for a reminder for myself.  To be thankful.  I have been struggling lately.  I am exhausted.  I sometimes do feel like screaming.  And all those feelings will come and go, off and on, over our parenting experience.  But I want to remind myself that, yes, I will struggle.  But when I do, try to remember to stop, pause, and thankful God for His blessings.  To hug and kiss my children as often as possible.  To play with them.  To sit  down and talk with them.  To listen to them.  To spend time with them.

And to pray for those who are aching for children gone on whom cannot do any of those things with here on earth.

Until next time....

Go West, Sealy Family, Go West!

11:40 p.m. last night we got the call.  The church had just voted 100% unanimous to ask us to come to their church.  the phone call was put on speaker phone and Matt said everyone clapped and cheered for him! Haha!  Anyways, because they had it going through the speakers, Matt was able to accept the position as associate pastor when everyone could hear.  They are excited, we are excited.  As soon as we heard, a huge wave of relief covered us both.  After months of not being sure of pretty much anything, we now have it all official and now are making plans to move.

So my feelings went from being a little tiny bit nervous all day, to huge relief, to utter panic mode.  Panic because in just under four weeks, we will be pulling out of our current home and driving across Canada to make a new home in Ponoka, Alberta.  We have much to do - things to sort, organize, pack, sell, plan....  But I know it will all get done.  Its just going to be busy, busy, busy!

Thank you to those who have been praying and we ask that you continue to pray.  Our house has not sold, although our realtor just called and is meeting with someone who wants the house and is right now meeting with a broker to try to work out a mortgage.  We don't have a place to live out there just yet, but several church members have places we can rent for a month or two until we can find a house to either rent or buy.  Pray that we can find the least expensive way to move.  We are looking to buy some trailers to buy that we can pull behind two vehicles.  We could rent from uHaul, but the price is a bit outrageous since we live in a bit of a rural area and there is not much competition for them.

Pray for me to be able to sell all that I need to.  We have such limited space to take things with us, so I am selling all I can.  Its keeping me so busy just doing that!  Already my girls no longer have dressers, our swing set is sold, and lots of toys and other things are sold.  But I still have a bit more I need to get rid of.  Pray for me as I am still having to take it slowly.  Now that I can move my arm, it does get quite sore.  That's cause for a bit of frustration for me.

Pray for us as we drive.  Its pretty much winter time and that can be dangerous for travel.  Even this week the place we are moving has had well below freezing temps and snow and ice.  Pray for our safety.

We've had a long few months, but have seen God work in ways I would have never imagined.  All I can say is that He is good, all the time, no matter the circumstances.  And, His timing is always, always perfect!

Well, gotta go.  So much time, so little to do.  No wait, switch that.  (Haha.  Know what movie that is from?? :-)

Until next time....

Good Video

Matt showed me this video the other day, and I thought I would share it with you all.  It is, in my opinion, quite powerful and reminds us of many things regarding God and the Bible that I think we often forget.  It is a little over 11 minutes long, but please take the time to watch it.  I think you will be glad you did.

Until next time....

Don't You Trust Me?

About a month ago, we went through a little phase with Leila.  It seems that, out of no where, she suddenly became terrified of the bath.  Actually, terrified seems like too light of a word.  I'm not really sure what brought it on, but one night we were going through our normal routine and she totally freaked out - screaming and climbing out of the tub.  She was shaking and her heart was pounding.  Totally took me off guard and I had no idea what was going on.  I checked the water - it was not too hot.  I didn't see any bugs in it (she flips out over flies!).  So I didn't know what was going on.

Somehow I got her cleaned - barely.  And thus began two weeks of the same thing.  I tried everything, but as soon as you would mention "bath" she would start crying hysterically.  One thing we did notice was she would keep glancing up at the shower head as she was crying.  It was then that I remembered that a while ago Libby had accidentally turned the shower on both of them, which completely scared them both.  But she had been fine after that until this episode, so I don't know if that was connected.

Anyway, we figured out she was afraid of the shower.  It got to the point that she would get in the tub, but only if the water was already in it and turned off.  But anytime my hand would go near the faucet or knob to turn on the water, the freaking out would commence.

It was so frustrating.  I didn't know what to do, or how to help.  We would talk about how the shower is not scary - it's just like rain.  And that I would not turn it on.  She would be fine until it was actually time to be in the tub.  If she even had the slightest thought I would move near the faucet, screaming she would go.

It doesn't sound as frustrating as it was.  But I even cried over it.  I didn't know what to do.  Matt and I kept praying with and for her.  I asked other moms at church if they went through it with any of their kids.  And I would keep reassuring Leila that I would NOT turn the shower on her!

I can remember, at one point near the end of the first week of this, looking at her in the eyes while she was crying and saying, "Leila, Mommy loves you and I have told you I won't turn on the shower.  Don't you trust me?" (Now, I know some of you are thinking, "C'mon, Emily.  She's four.  Does she even know what "trust" means? Well, probably not.  But I said it anyways.  Get over it. ;-) )

Later that night, as I was lying in my bed, praying for everything that was on my heart.  I was praying for Leila and for the Lord to help me teach Leila to not be afraid and to trust me.  Then I started pouring my heart out to God about our situation, about how scared I was of the future, how I just wanted to know what was going to happen with us, how I was worried about our finances and how we were going to survive until Matt found work.  And then, like a big ol' knock to the head, it hit me.  It was like the Lord was saying, "Emily, I love and I have told you that I will take care of you.  Don't you trust me?"

I literally stopped mid-prayer, opened my eyes and stared into the darkness of my room.  I knew it then.  Yes, Leila had a legitimate fear of the shower.  But I knew that we were going through this for ME to learn this very important lesson.

God has promised in Hebrews 13:5, "...I will never leave you nor forsake you."  God says in Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.  Paul tells us in Philippians 4:19, "And my God will supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus."  Jesus says in Matthew 6:34, "Therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself.  Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

I have known these verses since - I don't even remember learning them- that's how long I have known them.  I have quoted them to friends and family when trying to encourage them.  I wrote them out in Bible classes in high school and college.  I KNOW these verses.  But now, the Lord is asking me to LIVE them.

Here I was, frustrated because I wanted Leila to trust me, to believe me when I tell her I would not do something to hurt her.  I promised her that I would not turn on the shower.  But yet, she still would scream and cry.  And that's sort of what I was doing with God.

He has told me he has His plans.  He has tomorrow taken care of it.  He knows what's best for me.  He is able to take care of it all.  And there I am, crying and whining because I am scared and don't know what is gonna happen or if we are going to be okay.  And God is just wanting me to trust Him.

Let me tell you, I immediately asked God to forgive me for not trusting Him and resting in His capable hands.  And I let our life, our future, our family go back into His strong, perfect, capable care.  And I felt an overwhelming sense of PEACE come over me that I still feel to this moment.   I know God is in control.  I know He has it all planned out.  I know He is going to take care of us.  I know He hasn't forgotten about us.

And He's proving it to us everyday.  No, we still are not sure what is going to happen.  But we do have a door that seems to be open to us at the moment, so we are heading in that direction.  Matt is candidating at a church in Alberta in September for an associate pastor position.  As for our finances, God is taking care of that.  Just in the last week and a half, we have received (in several very unexpected ways) over 2 months worth of salary replacement!  Yes, God has it all in control.  He just needs me to trust Him.

As for Leila, it was just about two days after my "epiphany" that she said she wanted Daddy to bathe her and when he did - Not. One. Tear.  She was fine!  After Daddy bathing her for two days she was fine with me doing it again and we have been fine since!  Go figure!

You know, there are so many things I love about being a parent.  But one of the most humbling ones is how God uses their innocence to teach me so, so many lessons.  I have thought so much about this particular lesson since then because I know that God had the whole thing happen just for me.  We always spout out verses about trusting and obeying and having faith.  But its a whole lot harder to live it out.  I have been saved for 24 years.  And I still am learning these lessons all the time.

Another thing the Lord brought to my mind through all this was something I heard a preacher say in college.  He was talking about the will of God and how we make it some mystical, hard to figure out thing.  Then he said something that has stuck with me and always will.  He said, "If you can trust God with your eternity, then why can't you trust Him with your life?" Touche.  We seem to so easily trust Him with our salvation and our eternity with Heaven.  But we have a hard time with the here and now.  Seems a little, ridiculous, don't you think?  I certainly do.

I don't know what all is going on in your life.  But I ask you now - is God having to ask you, "Don't you trust me?"  Take it from me.  Just trust Him.  You will never regret.  Never.

Until next time...

More Than I Can Handle?

I know I've been pretty quite on here lately.  That's mostly because it has been all-out, crazy, super-duper hectic around here.  In my last post I let you all know that big changes are coming in our lives.   We have only two weeks left, and then our ministry here at our current church will be over.

Before we made our announcement public, we bathed our decision in prayer.  From all human perspectives, it didn't make sense.  We are a family of 6.  We have 4 young growing children.  And now we were going to just "quit" what we are doing in order to move on to something else.  Only we have no idea what that something else is.  I know this makes no sense.  But we knew then, and still know it is the right decision.  We KNOW God has plans for us.  So we told everyone and began our journey to the next step.

I don't really know what I thought was going to happen.  I suppose I thought that, once Matt resigned from church, that the next job would immediately open up and we could make our plans towards that.  Well, that hasn't exactly happened.  And I'm going to be honest with you.  I have been struggling a little with that.

I'm a person who loves schedules.  I take comfort in know what is coming up and when.  I have my kids on schedules from pretty much the second week of their life and on.  I don't like being in the dark about anything.  When I sit in an office with a dr., I want to know all the ins and outs of everything.  I don't really like surprises.  I want to plan.  That's where I feel most secure.

But I can't do that right now.  We know that, July 29th, after the morning service, we will be done with our ministry here, which also means we will be out of a job and have no income.  When I really let myself think about that, I start to get anxious and worried.  What are we gonna do?  How are we going to pay our bills?  We don't really live extravagantly.  But we have a mortgage.  Power and car payments.  Insurance.  We have to pay those.  We sorta like to eat at least once a day.  Our kids need nutrition.  What's going to happen?

In thinking of all this, I just started praying very earnestly about it all.  And I felt that the Lord wanted me to do what I can to help prepare for the financial issues.  So I have been oh-so-busy gathering things that I can sell.  We had a yard sale which went well.  But now I am busily putting things online on a local classifieds page on Facebook.  When I started doing this I didn't realize how time consuming it was going to be.  But let me tell you - it takes up so much of my time!  But it has been so worth it!  I am amazed at the fact that I can put something up that I will start getting inquiries and offers withing 5 to 10 minutes of posting it.  It really keeps amazing me!  And so not only are we busy posting things online to sell, but we are busy meeting up with those who are buying our stuff.  And because of all this, I have been able to make enough to cover almost two weeks worth of what our pay checks would have been!  Praise God!

So, I can see God providing for us, even in that "small" effort.  But then I am struggling in other areas.  Like patience.  You see, as I said before, I like to plan.  And its driving me crazy not know what we are doing?  Are we going to be moving?  If so, how far?  If we move across country, then we plan to sell pretty much all of our furniture, as it would cost way too much to move all of it.  So should I be selling things now?  If we do move, where we gonna live?  Will we find a house big enough for us?  Will we rent or buy?  Will I be close to anyone I know?

All these thoughts are whirling through my mind.  And Wednesday of this past week I was really feeling anxious.  So I was praying that God would continue to give me the peace and calmness of heart that I had been having.  And it was then that He sent another confirmation that He has it all under control.  I'll maybe talk more about that possibility soon, but until we know more, I won't say anything now.  But it reminded me that God has it all in His plan.  It's like he is saying, "Emily, I got this."

And then I was further encouraged on Saturday through a conversation I had on the phone.  I was talking with one of the missionary wives our church supports, who has also become a good friend.  She, if anyone, can understand exactly the feelings and thoughts I was feeling.  Then she made a statement that got me thinking.  She said, "You know, we Christians are so famous for saying things like, 'God never gives you more than you can handle' but I don't think that's the case.  He never gives us more than He can handle."  Hmmm...  You know, I believe that is true as well.

We, in our weak, human strength, can't handle much on our own.  But, incredibly, we have the all-powerful, all-knowing, awesome Creator of the universe right here with us ready to take control and handle anything that comes our way.  We are told in His word that nothing is impossible with God, that He will never leave us, that His way is perfect.  We just have to hand that control over to Him.

When I am busy worrying and being anxious, I am trying to "handle" everything in my own strength.  And I can't.  But God can.  God CAN!  Whew!  What a relief to know I don't have to keep up this charade of unrest, anxiousness, and worry!  God has it all figured out and is more than capable to take care of our family. He already has all the details worked out, right down to what is going to happen to all the things we need to get rid of if we do move!  What a relief.

So, even though we still do not have the full direction of where God is leading us next, we do have the next step.  And that is to just place our full trust and control in Him, - today.  And He will take it from there.  It is a daily thing, an hourly thing, for me to consciously do in my heart and mind.  But I am so thankful I have God to give all my problems and worries to.  More than I can handle?  Yes.  More than He can handle?  Never.

Please continue to pray for us as we seek the Lord in His direction for our family.

Until next time...

Sunday's Song

A great reminder to keep our eyes open to those directly around us who need to know the love of God.  We need to stop looking at the outside and see everyone as God sees them.

Today's Song - "Does Anybody Hear Her?" by Casting Crowns

Until next time....

Songs

I had spent about 30 minutes today typing out a post of some things that I have been thinking about.  But I didn't publish it because I wanted to walk away and come back to it later to be sure it came across okay.  But as I thought about it, I realized it was probably harsh and maybe shouldn't be posted.  So I was going to change some things on it to make it better.  But when I came back to it, I guess I didn't save it correctly because it is not there anymore.  So I am taking that as a "sign" from God that it should not be said.  Oooo... aren't you curious now what it was about?  :-)  I'll maybe tell you - someday! :-)

So, since that didn't work out, I thought I would post something encouraging.  Today was our Friend and Family Day at church.  We had a missionary of ours speak in the morning service, followed by a delicious potluck!  Matt spoke in Sunday school about "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." (Joshua 24:15)  In his lesson he quoted the following poem.  Some may have heard if before, but if you hadn't, please read it.  It speaks for itself:

When you thought I wasn't looking

Author: Unknown

When you thought I wasn't looking,

I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator,

and I wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw you feed a stray cat,
and I thought it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw you make my favorite cake for me,
and I knew that little things are special things.

When you thought I wasn't looking,
I heard you say a prayer,
and I believed that there was a God to talk to.

When you thought I wasn't looking,
I felt you kiss me goodnight,
and I felt loved.

When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw tears come from your eyes,
and I learned that sometimes things hurt,
but it's alright to cry.

When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw that you cared,
and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

When you thought I wasn't looking,
I looked....
and I wanted to say thanks for all the things
I saw when you thought I wasn't looking.

Last night, we had a gospel concert at our church.  Matt's dad is an evangelist, but he is also a singer/songwriter.  He has put out 8 CDs, the 8th having just come out this year.  This concert was his kick-off concert to launch the new CD.  So he sang and we also had the High Meadow Quartet come sing.  The are from not too far from here in Maine.  It was a great night and we really enjoyed concert.  We had a great turnout and the gospel was clearly shared.  The following is one of the songs they sang, and I think it is going to become a favorite on my list.  So I thought I would share it with you all!  Enjoy!

Somewhat along the same lines, I have another favorite song that I probably listen to several times each week.  I don't think I have shared it on here before, but if I have, oops!  Its about marriage.  And the video brings tears to my eyes most every time!

Hopefully the poem and songs have encouraged you this Sunday night.  Trust you had a great day - we certainly did!

Until next time....

Romantic Christmas?

Its just days before Christmas, and I am sitting here on my couch balancing our laptop on my almost non-existent lap due to my rather large and pregnant belly.  My children are safely tucked away soundly sleeping in their beds.  My husband and I are discussing taking the turkey out of the freezer to begin defrosting so he can begin getting it ready for a delicious meal on Christmas Day.  Our tree is lit up with twinkling white lights with pretty wrapped presents stacked haphazardly underneath.  And I can't help but think back to what we refer to as "The First Christmas."

I don't know, maybe its because I am so "great with child" this year, but I have had Mary on my mind a lot this Christmas season.  What was it really like for her, those many years ago?  And the more I think about it, the more I study it, the more I teach my children about why we even have Christmas, the more I realize that I believe we not only trivialize Christmas, but more so, we romanticise it.

Now, we know that just because we celebrate Christmas in December doesn't mean that is when Jesus was born.  It wasn't necessarily on December 25th, in the deep trenches of winter.  But that is when we, as a people, have set aside to remember the miraculous virgin birth of the Messiah.  Unfortunately, much of the world has "forgotten" the true reason for this holiday and trivialized it with notions of a man in red who somehow makes it to every house all over the world in one night, delivering gifts to all the "nice" children and eating cookies and drinking glasses of milk (sure sounds like a good bribe for parents to threaten their children with to be good so they will receive gifts).

And it is easy for us as Christians to get caught up in that nonsense.  But, even if we don't get caught up in that hoopla, we are just as guilty of something just as "bad."  We have our parties, our banquets, our church programs, our plays, and cantatas.  We sing songs such as Joy to the World, Away in a Manger, and Silent Night.  I'm not saying there is anything wrong with any of that.  But let's think about it in a different way for just a minute...

Mary and Joseph we betrothed.  In studying the culture of that time, we know that Mary was probably between the ages of 12-14.  Joseph was "engaged" to Mary.  During this engagement time, Mary was visited by an angel.  And this angel told her that she was going to conceive - still being a virgin - and that baby was going to be the promised Messiah.  Can you imagine?  We don't know exactly how the angel appeared - whether it was a bright glowing being like we tend to see in the movies, or if it was a regular looking person that had some trait to where she knew it was not from this earth.  But either way, she was visited by this angel, and her life was forever changed.

I think of the thoughts that would have gone immediately through her mind.  How could she conceive?  She and Joseph were not married yet.  She had never been with a man. What would this mean when she was found to be with child before marriage?  What would Joseph say?  Would he believe her about the angel?  What would everyone else say?  I can imagine that not only those thoughts of fear and uncertainty went through her mind, but also thoughts of awe, excitement, and honor.  The Jews knew the Messiah was coming.  They knew He would have a miraculous birth.  It probably was every young Jewish girl's dream to be the chosen one to carry the Christ-child in her womb.  And now, Mary was being told that SHE was that one.  SHE would bear the Messiah.  SHE had found favor in God's sight.  Yes, I think awe mixed with fear might be a good way to explain how she felt.

Fast forward to about 9 months later.  Oh, it had been a tough 9 months - not even including all the regular pregnancy things a woman goes through.  People hadn't believed Mary.  Even Joseph struggled with the facts until he was visited by an angel confirming all Mary had told him.  Mary was sent away for a while to get away from the gossip, scrutiny, etc.  And now, nearing the end of her pregnancy, there was the decree from Ceasar. Mary and Joseph now had to pack up and leave her family and home that she has always known, to travel to Bethlehem for the tax.

I remember so clearly, just after Matt and I were married and we were getting ready to leave the church to go on our honeymoon.  The limo was waiting and the guests had their rose petals all ready to throw at us.  We were inside, saying goodbye to our parents.  And I felt the change that was taking place in my life.  I was no longer the single daughter of my parents.  I was a married woman.  The relationship with my parents was suddenly changing.  The responsibility of me was now moved to my husband.  Oh, it didn't mean that my parents were no longer an important role in my life.  But their role had changed.  As I hugged my mom and dad goodbye, the tears couldn't help but come.  Of course, it would only be a short while before I would see them again.  It wasn't a "see you in 20 years" goodbye (really I saw them just under 2 months later).  But the tears still came.  Life was changing - not in a bad way.  But it was changing.  And change isn't always easy.

But it wasn't quite the same with Mary.  She didn't know when she would return to her family and home - if ever.  It wasn't like she could hop on a plane or bus whenever she wanted.  She was leaving with Joseph, her soon to be husband, whom she probably didn't know that well.  She was going to a place she probably had never been before.  And on top of all that, she was soon to deliver her first child, the Christ child.  She was most likely like most girls are - wanting their mom there by their side to help them through that wonderful yet very unknown time in their life - having their first baby.  But her mom wouldn't be there to help her through it. I can imagine there were some tears then, for sure.

So Mary and Joseph leave and begin the journey to Bethlehem.  Mary, ready to have her baby at any time.  Now, I am still 4 weeks out from my due date, and I can't imagine going on any time of trip right now.  I'm so large and uncomfortable even the thought of going to the grocery store in a comfy van with a soft seat is a bit exhausting.  And Mary had to travel, either by foot or on a donkey.  How comfortable would that be? I don't know exactly how many days it was that they traveled, but I am sure it seemed much longer to Mary.  She may have longed for some place to lie down - some place soft to rest her weary body.

Imagine the sigh of relief she may have felt when, up ahead, Bethlehem came into view.  Whew!  The end was in sight!  Finally, they could find a place in an inn and she would then be able to prepare and rest for the delivery, which she knew was imminent.  But then, wait!  No room?  Each place they go to was full!  No one - no one had any room for them!  The timeline is somewhat unclear here, but it may have been that perhaps during their search she did begin to labor.  Oh, it wasn't too painful at first, but then it was slowly becoming more intense and she needed to lie down!  Joseph may have begun to panic - nervous that they would never find a place!  But finally, one person offers all that they have - their stable - their barn - for them to stay in.  Perhaps if that person knew what was about to take place - Who was about to be born - they would have offered their own home and bed instead.  Perhaps.  But still, they offered something.

A stable?  Have you been in a stable or barn lately?  Where we live is surrounded by farms.  Our church is downhill (and often downwind!) of a dairy farm.  I can assure you that often times the odor is less than pleasant.  My sense of smell is so sensitive when I am pregnant, that sometimes when the wind blows and I catch that "country perfume," I actually start gagging.  It stinks.  Imagine being in the barn - right at the source of those smells.  It stunk.  It wasn't clean.  It was filthy.  And the noise!  The animals eating and mooing, and spitting, and whatever else - it was noisy.  Definitely NOT a Silent Night.

And this was where Mary was to deliver not only her first child, but the Messiah!  But they had no choice.  I'm sure that Mary had assisted in deliveries before, so she may have had some idea of what was to take place.  But its a whole different story going through it herself.  I can imagine that, before she left her home, her mother gave her advice and instructions on what to do.  Her mom may have even given her some supplies to use during and after the birth - including some scrap cloth to wrap the baby in.  We often portray and imagine the "swaddling clothes" as crisp, clean, sparkling while cloths that baby Jesus was swaddled in.  But it probably wasn't the case.  It may have been well worn, even a bit dirty from the trip.  Its only called "swaddling clothes" because Jesus was swaddled in it.  Nothing special about the clothes.

Now think of this - when the time came for the intense part of labor and the pushing, Mary didn't have a midwife or nurse there to help her.  It was just Joseph.  She didn't have medication or epidurals to turn to.  Joseph most likely had assisted in the births of animals, but never a baby.  He must have been terrified, seeing the looks of agony on her face and hearing the cries of pain.  And then think of this - Mary and Joseph had not been together physically yet.  And here he was, in a stable, far from their families, helping her deliver the baby.  Can you think there may have been some awkwardness there?  I certainly think so.  And so there they were.  Mary and Joseph - in a stable - surrounded by animals, Mary giving birth.  And there, with Mary and Joseph - in a stable - surrounded by animals, Mary gave birth to Jesus - the promised Messiah.

When we look at our Nativity scenes we usually see Mary and Joseph - looking at the manger with baby Jesus in it all wrapped in clean clothes.  There are shepherds and wise men (which, by the way - were not there just after he was born.  Well, the wise men, I mean).  The animals are there, but keeping their distance. All is perfectly neat and happy and content and calm and quiet.

But I don't think it was calm.  I don't think it was even quiet.  Joseph may have had to keep pushing the animals away from Mary and the baby.  It stunk. It was dirty.  Mary was sore, tired, and probably nervous about being not only a mother, but Jesus' mother.  She was exhausted, as I am sure Joseph was from the traveling, the sleepless nights, the worrying and the searching for a room.

Why do I say all this?  Because I think we should look at it like it is.  The circumstances, the surroundings, the events.  All are not how we would imagine how the King of Kings and Lord of Lords should come.  Its not how the Savior of the world should make His entrance.  Its not how it all should be.  But that is how God chose to send His son.  That is how Jesus CHOSE to come.

It wasn't a "Silent Night."  Perhaps baby Jesus did cry some when the "cattle were lowing."  It was dirty, and smelly.  And why did all this happen?  For ME.  For you.  All this was for us.  This lowly, unlovely birth happened so that Jesus could die for us.  For you.  For me.

So yes, we tend to trivialise Christmas.  But we also romanticise it.  We make it all pretty and sparkly and sadly even trivial.  How sad.  But when I look at it with its honest and lowly circumstances, how Christ's birth truly was, it makes this celebration of Jesus' birth even more meaningful to me.  It makes it more holy.  It makes it even more humbling that Christ would come to earth and die for me, a worthless, rotten sinner who can do no good apart from God.

Now that is love.

Merry Christmas.

The Real Meaning of Christmas

Until next time...

Crabby Appleton

When I was younger, my dad told us kids the story of when he and his brother were young and they would be driving around their town during the Christmas season.  Whenever they saw a house that did not have any Christmas decorations up on the outside of the house, they would sing a song that said, "His name is Crabby Appleton, he's rotten to the core."  Well, my siblings and I took a liking to this so we started doing the same thing.  We would sing it when we passed houses that looked very "un-Christmas-y."   I guess Matt and I would qualify as Crabby Appletons this year since we don't have any decorations outside.  But good grief!  The price of lights and such are so high this time of year, and the set we did have no longer work!

Anyways, I suppose the purpose of my telling you this story is that, well, I'm not totally sure!  Ha!  I guess I have just been thinking about this lately, since it is Christmas time and all.  What really made me think about it was a conversation I overheard yesterday at the bank. I was taking care of a deposit for my job that I do for my father-in-law when a man walked in and went to the teller next to me.  Now, let me just put in a little side note here: one thing that I really like about small town living is that places you frequent such as the bank you are known on a first name basis.  I just walk into our bank and the ladies greet me with a "Hi, Emily" and ask about how the kids are and how the house renos are coming, etc.  If it is Matt in there they often ask how I am doing and how the pregnancy is going.  This is not just at the bank - but grocery stores, etc.  I really like that!

Okay, so back to my story.  The man walked in and started talking to his teller, asking about her kids and such.  Then he mentioned that he noticed she had not put lights up on her house yet.  She said, "Ya, I haven't gotten around to it yet and Jerry is too busy to put them up."  The man then said, "Yes, I was talking to Jerry and he said you had been in a bad mood lately."  (isn't that great for a husband to say to someone about his wife!!) She quickly came back with, "I'm not in a bad mood, I just haven't felt very Christmasy lately."

By this time I was done with my transactions and said good-bye and left.  But for some reason, that comment has stuck with me.  What exactly does it mean to "feel Christmasy."  If any of you know me, you know that I absolutely LOVE Christmas time.  I love the lights, the decor, the smells, the treats, the songs, the movies.  But I mostly love the meaning.  I mean, the highly overused catch phrase "Jesus is the reason for the season" can get a little annoying, but its true.  Its this time of year that we celebrate our precious Saviour's birth.  That sure makes me "feel Christmasy."

But that's just me.  What about others?   What makes them feel like celebrating?  Is it a tradition with friends and/or family?  Is it a trip? Is it the time spent with family?  Is it the gifts - getting and/or receiving?  Is it Santa?  What is it?

I suppose I think about this a lot because we are in the midst of raising our children, and striving to do our best to teach them about what Christmas is really about.  Now, we have personally made the decision to not let our children believe in Santa.  We have come to this decision with three basic reasons.
 
  1. I never believed in Santa.  I always knew that he was a made-up thing that people talk about every Christmas.  I used to laugh to myself when my sweet Grandma would give us a gift from her and Grandpa and then another one from "Santa."  I thought it was cute - but I never believed in Santa.  And honestly, I don't feel that I was cheated in any way out of some childhood thrill or excitement.  I don't feel like I was short changed in any way.

  2.  Some may disagree with me on this, but I think telling our children about Santa and how he comes each Christmas Eve to give us our presents is lying to our children.  Say what you may, but it isn't true, so that makes it a lie.  Why in the world would we spend all this time training our children to be honest, tell the truth always, and then turn around and tell them this made up story?  What happens when they find out he isn't real?  Some kids may take it fine, but some may then begin to question other things their parents have always told them.  Is the Bible really true?  Is Jesus real?  I know, I have had people tell me that is taking it a little too far, but I don't want to "take my chances" so to speak.  And I certainly don't want to lie to my kids!

 - Again, I wanted to make a side note here, too.  The other day I saw a picture of two kids sitting on Santa's lap.  The kids faces were red from screaming and they were both holding out their hands reaching for their mom or dad because they were terrified of this person in whose lap they were sitting.  I told Matt that I just don't get it.  Why in the world would a parent stand in line in a busy store or mall, with their kids getting impatient just waiting, all so they can sit in a strange man's lap, possibly tell him what they wanted for Christmas if they aren't screaming and crying, then an "elf" attempt to take a picture of said screaming children and strange man and be charged $10 or more for that "precious" memory?  I just don't get it!

  3. Finally, we don't tell our children that Santa is real because we want them to know that those gifts under the tree were bought and paid for with Mommy and Daddy's hard earned money, as well as Grammy and Papa and Grampy and Nana's money, etc.  I want my children to learn to appreciate the gifts and to not take them for granted.  Yes, they don't totally get it now, but I believe they will.

You can disagree with me if you want, but that is what Matt and I have decided for our family.  And I will not look down on anyone who does let their children believe in Santa.  I don't think we are better or more spiritual than them in any way shape or form.  I am just explaining why we have come to this decision for our family. 

Its actually kinda funny.  I mean, our kids know that Santa "exists" in that you see him everywhere.  And now, everywhere we go people are always asking them what they asked Santa for and if they are excited for Santa to come to their house.  Usually they just stare at the person with almost a blank look on their face, then tell the person our presents are already under the tree.  Then Matt or I usually step in and explain that the kids don't believe in Santa.  Oh, some of the looks we get are priceless!  But I just say, "We want our kids to know that we work hard for their gifts."  People usually seem to get it then.

So, anyways, back to my original thought.  What makes people feel Christmasy?  When someone says they aren't in the Christmas spirit, it makes me wonder what exactly could be going on in their life that would have them say that.  Is there a tough thing they are going through?  Is it health, financial, family issues?  Are they lonely?  Depressed?  It reminds me that this time, and actually all times throughout the year we need to be on the lookout for people who need encouragement.  We need to not be so focused on ourselves that we fail to see the needs of others.  Christmas is a time when people typically are spending time with family.  Perhaps there is someone you know who has no family, or is not close to family (either in location or emotionally).  Christmas is a time when we buy gifts for each other.  Perhaps there is a person who has no money to give anything, or is not receiving any gifts.  Christmas is a time when we as Christians focus on the miraculous virgin birth of our Saviour, and rejoice in the hope that we will spend eternity in perfect fellowship with God Himself.  Perhaps there is a person you know who does not have that hope - maybe has never been told of that hope. 

Let's spend this Christmas season trying to focus on others.  Let's find out the reason why that person whom we may sing about being a Crabby Appleton is not feeling very Christmasy.  Then, let's try to help them and encourage them in whatever way we can.  Ya, that sounds like a much better idea to me than telling a strange man in a red suit that I want a new red hoodie for Christmas.

Until next time...

I'm So Thankful....

So, its Thanksgiving Day here in Canada.  Its been a quiet-ish day here in our household, but its been nice.  As usual on this day, I have been reflecting on what I am thankful for, but actually I seem to be doing it more these past few weeks.  Especially since my friend's sister, Amy Bixby, passed away.  Life is a vapour - God tells us that.  We have no idea what our future holds.  We are not guaranteed tomorrow - no matter what our age.  Just this past year I have lost my great-grandmother and my uncle.  I have friends that have lost one or both of their parents, and friends that have lost children - some even before birth.  Just this past week a wonderful teacher from Pensacola Christian Academy lost (or should I say won) her battle with cancer and passed away.  Mrs. Schmuck was my video school English teacher when I home schooled in middle school.

All this has me being more and more thankful for each day I have with my family.  Sometimes I just have to put the housework aside and sit down and read a book or snuggle with my kids.  So today, and always, I am so very thankful for my husband.  I'm thankful for the privilege of growing up in a Christian home.  I'm thankful for parents who love me, and love each other.  I have many friends whose parents marriage is broken up, and it makes me thankful that mine are still together.  I'm thankful for my three older brothers and their wives.  In case you didn't know, I have three godly older brothers who love God and their families.  They each have married wonderful women whom I think of more as sisters than sister-in-laws.  I am thankful for my younger sister.  She has turned into a beautiful, godly woman and has married a wonderful godly man.  She and I are all "grown-up" now but we still spend plenty of time being silly and laughing together at jokes that only she and I would ever understand.

I'm thankful for my husband.  Its at this point that I don't even have words to say how I feel.  I am so thankful that God brought him into my life at the exact moment in time that I needed him.  He balances me out perfectly, and I now can't imagine my life without him.  He loves me more than I deserve, he spoils me constantly, and is always putting mine and the kids' needs before his own.  I just love him so much! Oh, and by the way, thanks Babe for the post you wrote yesterday on here.  I had no idea you did that until I signed on to write this post! It made me smile, and even tear up some (I seem to be doing that a lot lately!)  I love you, too, Matt! :-)

I am so very thankful for my children.  There was a time in my life when I wondered if I would even be able to have children.  But God has blessed me with three pretty much perfect pregnancies and deliveries, and now a fourth pregnancy.  Although this fourth one is having a few complications, I am still so very thankful for the life that I feel moving inside of me every day, and know that god is in control of this little one due in December.  My children bring me more joy than they will every know.  When I look at them, my heart just overflows with love for them.  The are beautiful, healthy, and active kids that sometimes try my patience, but I would never give that up for anything!

I'm also very thankful for the family I joined when I married Matt.  His parents have accepted me from the very beginning as a daughter and I know they would do anything for me.  The are supportive to us in our lives, and are here for us if and when we need them.  Although I don't see them very often, I am thankful for my brother-in-laws and the fun times that we do have when we are together.  I am thankful for my sister-in-law, Michelle, whom I text pretty much every day and sometimes we can text off and on all day and have talked about nothing important or have spent the whole day attempting to solve the world's problems.

I sit here typing, and could go on and on of things I am thankful for, but I really just wanted to focus on my family for today.  So many people do not have family like I have, and I appreciate this more and more.  So on this day, I thank the Lord for my family - all my family.  It is a blessing and I never, ever want to take them for granted.

On a couple side notes, I had mentioned doing another book report, but I think I will save that for another time - maybe later this week.  I just want to focus on Thanksgiving today.  Also, tomorrow is my dr. appt with the OB and the high resolution ultrasound and we should know more of whats going on.  We would appreciate your prayers that all will have resolved itself!  Thanks!

So, on that note, Happy Thanksgiving!

Until next time...

Update on...Us!

So, we've been very busy lately - what's new!  Ever since we came back from Mistissini, it seems like we've been running here, there, and everywhere.  We've had dr. appointments, church stuff, and family time.  We are finally having nice weather when its not raining, so we are trying to take advantage of that.  Last week we went strawberry picking and I made a bunch of jam to freeze.  We have been playing outside and going on family walks.

The kids have been doing really good.  You parents know that you have those weeks that the kids do well, obey and get along, and then you have those weeks where they, uh, well, they do the opposite!  Thankfully, the kids have had a good week which has really helped since we have had to drag them all over the place!  Oh, they have had their moments, but overall they have been so good.

We ordered Liam's K5 material today.  can't believe he is getting ready to start kindergarten.  He is excited to start it up again.  I plan to start the last week of August and try to get a little ahead since I am not sure how some of January will go with the baby being born.  Today Matt took Liam golfing which he LOVED.  Liam loves golf - always has.  We even have a real kid-size set for him which he thinks is the coolest thing ever.

Leila seems to be growing up really fast all of a sudden.  She has been so sweet and super cute lately.  Well, except at bedtime.  Okay, here's my mommy confession of the week - As of last week, Leila still slept with a pacifier.  Ya, I still let her have it.  She was SO attached to it, and I just never wanted to deal with taking it away.  With Liam, we took them away shortly after he was 2 and it was no problem.  But Leila seemed more attached to hers, so I kept putting it off.  But I know it was ridiculous, so I kept telling her that when she turns 3, that meant she was a big girl and didn't need her "nuks" anymore.  So, last Tuesday, I took them away and that was it.  The first night she cried and cried for about an hour and a half.  But each night its gotten better and tonight and last night she want to bed with absolutely no crying or anything!  Go Leila!  I keep telling her how proud I am of her and she gets the biggest smile on her face!

This morning we took Leila and Libby to get their next shots.  I'm a little behind on their shots - but that's on purpose.  I'm sorta doing the delayed vaccines method.  Anyways, I was so sure Leila was going to be difficult and cry and scream.  Matt was prepared to hold her down and stuff, but she totally shocked me and didn't even shed one tear!  She just held her blanket, leaned against Matt, and scowled at the nurse.  Again, I told her how proud of her I was!  Libby on the other hand would have broken your heart with her huge tears and crying!  But she's a trooper and perked up after some snuggles from Mommy!

Last Tuesday we went to have an ultrasound to determine how far along I was.  It was really nice to be able to see our baby and see him/her wiggling around.  So, we found that I (then) was 10 weeks and all looked good.  Yesterday I went to have all my prenatal blood work done, and today I had my first prenatal visit.

So, here's the latest on my pregnancy with Baby "L".  I'm 11 weeks, due January 24.  I'm feeling a little better but still get rather sick feeling, especially in afternoons and evenings and still throw up about 1 time a day (aren't you glad you know that now!).  I have gained about 4 pounds already.  I definitely look pregnant and am already getting the "belly pats" from people.  I think tomorrow I'm gonna have to break out the maternity pants.  I remember with Liam it seemed like it took months and months before my regular clothes didn't fit, and now I'm only just over 2 months and can't find things to wear besides maternity clothes!  Elastic waist, here I come! ;-)  I do get tired pretty easy and try to take a nap every day.  As of now, I am sleeping great at night which I am loving cuz I know all too soon sleep will be more difficult.

At least three times a week Liam asks me if we can go get the baby, or if it is January yet!  I think its cute how excited he and Leila are about the baby.  Leila keeps asking to see the "picture" of the baby, even though she really doesn't know what exactly she is looking at!  Today at my appt. we got to hear the heartbeat at about 160, and it is just so wonderful to hear that sound!

Matt is busy getting ready for our VBS in just a few weeks.  We are doing the Answers in Genesis curriculum this year. It is "Gold Rush: Searching for the Rock of Ages."  Its gonna be a great week and we are having lots of fun getting decorations and stuff together.  I will be teaching the 3-5 year olds again this year.  Last year we had as many as 15 in my class - which is in a really small classroom!  But it was so much fun and I am looking forward to it again this year.  Leila is old enough to participate this year which she is excited about!

Well, I guess that is the update on us!  Just plugging along at life and trying to enjoy all of it!  Oh ya, the big news all around these parts is the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are visiting Canada.  They are currently in Prince Edward Island right now, just about 6 hours from us.  We had thought about going to try to see them, but it just didn't work out in our schedule.  Oh well.  Did any of you watch the wedding?  I did and I thought it was beautiful.  Loved her dress!  But anyway there's my random thoughts for the day!

Oh, and one more thing.  If you want to read a really good "article" regarding marriage, hop over to my brother's blog,True North , and take a minute to read his post.  It is very straightforward and thoughful.  And I'm not just saying that because he is my brother.  I just think that it is very well put.  And I think that marriage - even Christian marriage, is under attack in this time.  We need to be vigilant and proactive in protecting marriage as the downfall of marriage is affecting Christianity in a MAJOR way.

Please continue to pray for Amy Bixby and the family.  I don't have anything new to report as of now.  But I know they appreciate our prayers!

Until next time...

The Angels Are Rejoicing!

Tomorrow for our Easter services, we are changing things up a bit from the "normal" routine.  And I am really excited about it all.  Actually, it all started last night when we had a special Good Friday candlelight Lord's Supper service.  It was such a neat time.  The Lord's Supper is always a wonderful time of reflection and thanksgiving on what the Lord has done for us, but something about having it in the candlelight makes it much more special.  We also had a special time of testimony which was so uplifting!  I know that it was an encouragement to all who attended!

Tomorrow we are having a sunrise service at the home of one of our church members.  The wife is an avid gardener and has a beautiful garden of all types of flowers and plants.  Although spring hasn't quite sprung here yet, it will still be a fabulous way to greet the day on Resurrection Sunday!  Although I probably won't make it with the three kids, I know it will be great for all who attend.  The sunrise service will be followed by a yummy breakfast at church, which will then be followed by our Sunday morning service.  The focus of the service will be simple - the Gospel.  That's what Easter is all about, really!  We are going to have more special music than normal, more singing, and several people are giving their salvation testimony.  One of those people is yours truly. My pastor (aka - my husband!  haha!) asked me a week or two ago if I would share my testimony since most of the people have not "officially" heard it yet.  So, in preparation for that, I decided to put it here in our blog, since I don't think I have ever done so!  And without further ado, here is my story of my salvation.

I had the great privilege of being born into a Christian home.  I was in church at just a few weeks old and have been ever since.  We were always in church Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night, revival meetings, etc.  So pretty much from the moment I was born I have been taught the Gospel.  In fact, many of the Bible stories and verses that I know so well I cannot even remember being taught.  Its almost as if I have just always known them!  So, I have always known that God loves me, that He died for me, and that I was a sinner.  I have never doubted that for one second.

It wasn't until I was about six years old that things really started to click in my brain about how I could apply all that I was taught to my life personally.  I can remember it was in the spring time of 1988 and it was a Saturday night.  I had just taken my bath and was in bed trying to fall asleep.  As I was in that strange place of half asleep, half awake, I had a dream.  I dreamt that suddenly, it was the end of the world, and the earth literally exploded into hundreds of thousands of pieces.  And when it did, I saw myself floating in space on one of those pieces.  It was cold and dark.  And I was all alone.  Now, I know that sounds kinda funny when you picture it, but that is what I was dreaming.  I woke up suddenly and was immediately terrified!  The thought of being all alone, separated from my family and friends and everything I knew forever shook me to my core.  I don't remember much else that night, except that I called out to my parents and my dad came in the room and helped me calm down.  He prayed with me and I fell asleep.

It is here that I must state that I don't think every dream means something or whatnot.  But I do know and believe that God uses dreams to get our attention at times.  He did so many times in the Bible.  Whether or not that is what was going on here, I do not know.  But I do know that it had my attention and I was VERY excited to go to church that next morning.  Now, usually my parents preferred my whole family to sit together in "big church," but occasionally they let me go to children's church.  I must have begged them to let me go or something, because this Sunday I was allowed to go to children's church.  I remember one of the assistant pastors of the church, Joey Fowler, was teaching that day, and he was giving the Gospel.  Can I tell you that I don't think I even breathed during that whole service?  My eyes were glued to him and I was listening intently to everything he said.  My dream from the night before kept coming to my mind, and I knew I needed to know for sure that I was not going to be alone for all of eternity.

When the message was done, and Mr. Fowler (actually, he is a doctor now...) asked us to bow our heads and anyone who wanted to ask Jesus to be their Saviour to come forward, I was up and out of my seat in an instant.  Dr. Fowler went with me to the side, and led me in a prayer.  I knew what I was doing.  I knew what I needed to do.  And I prayed and asked the Lord Jesus to come into my life and save me from my sin.

When we were done, we went back to join the rest of the kids.  They were handing out the quiet seat prize and can you imagine that I won the quiet seat prize for the girls!  And what was the prize?  It was a whole, crisp, clean dollar bill!  What a terrific day!  Salvation and a dollar!  Well, we were dismissed and I went running (and I mean running) to my parents to tell them what happened.  I found my dad first and I remember yelling to him, "Daddy!  I just got saved and I got a dollar!"  Haha!  My dad quickly responded with a "What!?"  Hehe.  I think he initially thought that Dr. Fowler was paying  kids to get saved!  But, when I took the time to explain it all, he realized that was NOT what was happening.

For the rest of the day, I remember being so excited.  After our Sunday meal my dad told me how all of heaven rejoices when even one soul is saved.  I then spent a lot of the afternoon jumping around singing, "The angels are rejoicing!  The angels are rejoicing!"  I, even at the young age of six, had that wonderful knowledge and joy that I was on my way to heaven!  I couldn't contain that joy, either.

As I grew and we continued to be in church, I did have times when I struggled with the assurance of what I did.  Was I really saved?  Did I really mean it?  I don't have the specific date that it happened on, so that often would play into my doubts.  But, after being counseled one year at camp, I knew without a doubt that I was saved.  I think that is one thing that Satan can use in those of us who grew up in church.  He gets us to doubt, well, pretty much everything that he can!

For the rest of my growing up years, I was a "pretty good" Christian.  I went on visitation.  I served where I could in the church.  I went on mission trips.  I helped in VBS.  And most often I did all of those with a sincere desire to serve the Lord.  But there were times when it was all really just so that people would look at me and say, "Oh, wow.  What a great Christian that Emily Doan is!"  It made me feel good to have people think and/or say that about me.  And I look back at those times with regret that I did them with the wrong heart, and wonder if my wrong attitude hindered the working of the Holy Spirit.

It wasn't until I went to college and had been there for a year or so when I realized a fact that sobered me greatly. I had been saved for 12+ years, and I was still somewhat of a shallow Christian, a baby, if you will.  My faith was not as deep as it should have been.  I met friends and roommates at college that had been saved just a year or so and their walk with God was so much deeper than mine.  I know we are not to compare ourselves with others, but it took that to make me realize I was still trying to live on just "milk" and not getting the "meat" that I needed.  And that's when I really started to grow as a Christian.

I was blessed to find some godly friends who, together, we encouraged each other to grow in our walk with the Lord.  I was given some leadership responsibilities that stretched me not only as a leader, but as an example of a Christian.  And then, my junior year, I met the godliest guy I had ever met, Matthew Sealy.  It has been through my friendship, dating, and now marriage to him that I have grown the most in my personal walk with God.  He has helped me to not only have the desire to search the scriptures, but to act on that desire and really find out why I believe what I believe.  I have dug deeper in even the basics that I have been taught my whole life, and am working on being able to show from the Bible my beliefs, rather than just repeat what I have always been taught.

I am so very thankful for the great blessing it is to have the family and upbringing I have had.  Because of the fact that I was always in church, was always either home schooled or went to Christian school, there are many things that I am able to say that, by God's grace, I have no regrets about.  I have never been tempted to pick up a cigarette.  I have never been drunk on alcohol (actually, have never even tasted it.).  My husband is the first and only boy I have dated, kissed, or held hands with.  I have never used fowl language or curse words.  I say these things not to brag, for it is only by God's grace that I was not tempted with any of that.  I say all that to bring praise to my God, and thank Him for protecting me from many, many things.  Although I am FAR from perfect and have regrets in other areas of my past, I am so thankful that He protected me from so much.

I am so glad to know without a shadow of a doubt that I am saved, and on my way to heaven.  Glory to God.  Can you say the same?  Have the angels ever rejoiced over you?  I certainly hope and pray so.

Until next time...

How Deep the Father's Love For Us

It's Easter time.  But you knew that.  Personally, I love Easter.  And its not because of all the candy, baskets, and pretty colors everywhere (I'm not really much of a candy person, anyway!).  No, I love Easter because of its TRUE meaning.  Its so wonderful to have this time each year to reflect on what a truly awesome thing God did for us.  Its bothered me all day today that the world is celebrating "Earth Day."  Coincidence that it happened to fall on Good Friday this year?  No way.  Anything to take the attention off of the Lord is what the Enemy wants.  And I have not liked that one bit.  So today, I have not thought much about "saving the Earth" or what I can do to decrease my "carbon footprint."  All that is fine and good in its own time.  But today I have been reflecting on the wonderful sacrifice that was made for me.  And God has shown me a little bit of a different perspective this year.  It may not be new to any of you.  But I am definitely seeing it with different eyes this year.  Let me explain.

I am a mother.  To three gorgeous children.  I love them with all that I am.  I spend my days taking care of them, teaching them, doing things for them, loving them.  Its hard to put into words the incredible love that fills my heart when I look at them.  Actually, there really aren't words to describe it.  But if you are a parent, then you know what I mean.  I love my children so, so, so much.  And I would do almost anything to be sure that they are safe and healthy and happy.  If one of them need me - I will be there, no matter the time of day or night.  And there have been times when they have cried out for me and I am right by their side before you can blink your eye.

I remember the night when Liam was just two years old and he woke up screaming in a way I have never heard before.  He was way at the other end of the house, but I was up out of my bed and in his room faster than ever before.  I thought he was having a seizure, but it turns out that he was having a night terror which does resemble a seizure but is not one.  But I was there for him when he needed me.

I remember the day last year when I was sitting here at our computer and Leila was riding her tricycle around the house.  All of a sudden I heard the noise of the wheels stop and a loud banging noise.  I turned around and saw she was laying at the bottom of the steps, lying on her side with the her legs still straddling the trike with a dazed expression on her face.  I flew down those steps to our basement to pick her up and check her out.  I don't think my feet even hit one step.  I think my heart may have even skipped a couple beats until I knew she was okay.

There have been times when my kids have been sick, or in pain, and I am there, holding them, kissing them, telling them I am there for them.  And I always will be. When my children need me, when they cry out to me in fear or pain, I am there.  And that's when I started thinking about what God did.

John 3:16 says, "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life."  Did you get that?  God sent his only son to the world.    This was God's only son that He was sending to us.  Then, in Luke 22:42, the night before Jesus is crucified, He is praying to His father, and asks, "Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours be done."  And later, when Jesus was dying on the cross (for my sin), He cries out to God saying, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Mark 15:34).

I look at that - Jesus crying unto God, crying out in pain and anguish, and then God having to turn His back on Jesus because of the sin of the whole world that is now in Jesus' shoulders.  God, having to ignore the cries of His only son in order to complete the sacrifice that would pay the penalty for sin.  God, not going to His only son to help Him out of His misery.  And I am truly, inexplicably, humbled to my core.

Because it was all for ME.

It was all for me - to have my debt that I would never, ever be able to pay - completely cleared through that sacrifice.  I can not even imagine ignoring the sincere cries of my children when they need me the most.  I could never turn my back to them when they are crying out in pain, fear, or despair.  I just couldn't do it.  And I am only human feeling human emotions.

What an incredible sacrifice that God did for me.  God loved me that much to sacrifice his only child, his only son, to die an unthinkably painful death.  And all for me who does not nor ever will deserve it.  What an incredible sacrifice.

So now I ask you - have you accepted that sacrifice?  Have you come to Christ, accepting Him as your Saviour so that you can be totally "debt free" and able to have eternal life in heaven?    And if you have, have you taken the time, especially this Easter time, to just fall on your knees and thank God for that sacrifice he made?  Have you taken time to think about it, reflect on it?  If you have not done so, I urge you to take the time to do so this weekend.  The egg hunt can wait.  The laundry will be there later.  That t.v. show isn't that interesting.  The meal can be served a little later than usual.  Be sure to thank God for sacrificing His only son for you.  Think about it.  Especially if you have children.  Would you be able to do the same?  Somehow I don't think we could.  What an incredible and awesome God we have.

How Deep The Father's Love For Us*

How deep the Father's love for us,

How vast beyond all measure

That He should give His only Son

To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,

The Father turns His face away

As wounds which mar the chosen One,

Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,

My sin upon His shoulders

Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,

Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there

Until it was accomplished

His dying breath has brought me life

I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything

No gifts, no power, no wisdom

But I will boast in Jesus Christ

His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?

I cannot give an answer

But this I know with all my heart

His wounds have paid my ransom

*Words by Stuart Townend

Until next time...