More Than I Can Handle?

I know I've been pretty quite on here lately.  That's mostly because it has been all-out, crazy, super-duper hectic around here.  In my last post I let you all know that big changes are coming in our lives.   We have only two weeks left, and then our ministry here at our current church will be over.

Before we made our announcement public, we bathed our decision in prayer.  From all human perspectives, it didn't make sense.  We are a family of 6.  We have 4 young growing children.  And now we were going to just "quit" what we are doing in order to move on to something else.  Only we have no idea what that something else is.  I know this makes no sense.  But we knew then, and still know it is the right decision.  We KNOW God has plans for us.  So we told everyone and began our journey to the next step.

I don't really know what I thought was going to happen.  I suppose I thought that, once Matt resigned from church, that the next job would immediately open up and we could make our plans towards that.  Well, that hasn't exactly happened.  And I'm going to be honest with you.  I have been struggling a little with that.

I'm a person who loves schedules.  I take comfort in know what is coming up and when.  I have my kids on schedules from pretty much the second week of their life and on.  I don't like being in the dark about anything.  When I sit in an office with a dr., I want to know all the ins and outs of everything.  I don't really like surprises.  I want to plan.  That's where I feel most secure.

But I can't do that right now.  We know that, July 29th, after the morning service, we will be done with our ministry here, which also means we will be out of a job and have no income.  When I really let myself think about that, I start to get anxious and worried.  What are we gonna do?  How are we going to pay our bills?  We don't really live extravagantly.  But we have a mortgage.  Power and car payments.  Insurance.  We have to pay those.  We sorta like to eat at least once a day.  Our kids need nutrition.  What's going to happen?

In thinking of all this, I just started praying very earnestly about it all.  And I felt that the Lord wanted me to do what I can to help prepare for the financial issues.  So I have been oh-so-busy gathering things that I can sell.  We had a yard sale which went well.  But now I am busily putting things online on a local classifieds page on Facebook.  When I started doing this I didn't realize how time consuming it was going to be.  But let me tell you - it takes up so much of my time!  But it has been so worth it!  I am amazed at the fact that I can put something up that I will start getting inquiries and offers withing 5 to 10 minutes of posting it.  It really keeps amazing me!  And so not only are we busy posting things online to sell, but we are busy meeting up with those who are buying our stuff.  And because of all this, I have been able to make enough to cover almost two weeks worth of what our pay checks would have been!  Praise God!

So, I can see God providing for us, even in that "small" effort.  But then I am struggling in other areas.  Like patience.  You see, as I said before, I like to plan.  And its driving me crazy not know what we are doing?  Are we going to be moving?  If so, how far?  If we move across country, then we plan to sell pretty much all of our furniture, as it would cost way too much to move all of it.  So should I be selling things now?  If we do move, where we gonna live?  Will we find a house big enough for us?  Will we rent or buy?  Will I be close to anyone I know?

All these thoughts are whirling through my mind.  And Wednesday of this past week I was really feeling anxious.  So I was praying that God would continue to give me the peace and calmness of heart that I had been having.  And it was then that He sent another confirmation that He has it all under control.  I'll maybe talk more about that possibility soon, but until we know more, I won't say anything now.  But it reminded me that God has it all in His plan.  It's like he is saying, "Emily, I got this."

And then I was further encouraged on Saturday through a conversation I had on the phone.  I was talking with one of the missionary wives our church supports, who has also become a good friend.  She, if anyone, can understand exactly the feelings and thoughts I was feeling.  Then she made a statement that got me thinking.  She said, "You know, we Christians are so famous for saying things like, 'God never gives you more than you can handle' but I don't think that's the case.  He never gives us more than He can handle."  Hmmm...  You know, I believe that is true as well.

We, in our weak, human strength, can't handle much on our own.  But, incredibly, we have the all-powerful, all-knowing, awesome Creator of the universe right here with us ready to take control and handle anything that comes our way.  We are told in His word that nothing is impossible with God, that He will never leave us, that His way is perfect.  We just have to hand that control over to Him.

When I am busy worrying and being anxious, I am trying to "handle" everything in my own strength.  And I can't.  But God can.  God CAN!  Whew!  What a relief to know I don't have to keep up this charade of unrest, anxiousness, and worry!  God has it all figured out and is more than capable to take care of our family. He already has all the details worked out, right down to what is going to happen to all the things we need to get rid of if we do move!  What a relief.

So, even though we still do not have the full direction of where God is leading us next, we do have the next step.  And that is to just place our full trust and control in Him, - today.  And He will take it from there.  It is a daily thing, an hourly thing, for me to consciously do in my heart and mind.  But I am so thankful I have God to give all my problems and worries to.  More than I can handle?  Yes.  More than He can handle?  Never.

Please continue to pray for us as we seek the Lord in His direction for our family.

Until next time...