Well, tomorrow is Valentine's Day. The "Day of Love." Or, for us this year, "Duct Tape Day" (we have youth group on Thursday nights and this week is everything duct tape. Its lots of fun!). And in case you are wondering, yes, Matt is going to youth group on Valentine's Day and I will be home with the kids. And yes, I am totally okay with that. Seriously. There may have been a time in my life when I would have thought that was terrible - not spending Valentine's evening with your special someone. Which leads me to the purpose of this post - how my ideals of romance have changed over the years.
When I was in high school, I would spend ample amounts of time talking with my sister, friends, and even my parents about what I thought was romantic, or what I wanted my husband to do/be like. I would daydream about cold winter nights - bundled up under a blanket in an open carriage ride looking at the gleaming Christmas lights in the falling snow. My guy would be there, whispering all the sweet things people whisper about on carriage rides. I dreamed about getting engaged in a hot air balloon (really, I did!) overlooking the beautiful Colorado Rocky Mountains. I dreamed about breakfast in bed every Saturday, long walks in the evenings holding hands, my man always saying things like, "my life only began when I first met you!" and other silly things like that. I dreamed about cuddling up on the couch watching Pride and Prejudice (cuz we all know every guy LOVES to watch all 6 hours of that one!). I would imagine that once I was married we would wake up every morning (with smiles on our faces, minty fresh breath, hair perfectly in place and no sleep crusties in our eyes, mind you) and snuggle a good 10 minutes before getting up to start the day. I would dream, plan, and dream some more.
Those things are all romantic, and nice, but its not what gets my attention anymore. Instead, its the offers to let me go rest and take a nap when I am tired. Its the doing the dishes so I don't have to. Its the, "I'll be in charge of supper tonight." Its the changing the poopy diapers. Its the playing with our children and making them giggle with delight. Its the look across the dining room table that says, "We are so blessed." Its the working together to train our children to do what is right. Its the reading a Bible story and singing together as a family each night before bed. Its the praying together as a couple. Its the hugging and crying together when our hearts are burdened and we want to be there for each other. Its the random texts that just say, "I love you." These things are my idea of romance.
You see, I used to think romance was just all the things my husband would do for me. But now, I realize it is more than that, its also the things he does with me. Oh, yes, I do love the surprises and things he does just for me. But more so I love the things we do together. The family we have created together. The life we have together. The love that we have grown together. Together. I love being together. I love learning more about God, ourselves and life together. That's what is romantic to me.
It was Valentine's Day, 9 years ago that Matt and I had our first "official" date. I was excited and a little nervous. But in looking back, I somehow knew from even that early stage that this was the guy for me, the one I wanted to be with. It was never a doubt. I am so thankful for my husband and the life and love we have grown since that time. We haven't had the perfect life. We both have made mistakes, we both have learned a lot. God has taught us so much by bringing us through some trials. But I am so thankful for the man I have had at my side through it all. I truly did marry my sweetheart, the love of my life.
So, this Valentine's Day, I am thinking on all the things my special someone and I get to do together - every day. That is so much better than any of the things I used to always think about. Because it is real. So, my ideals of romance have changed. And I am glad.
Thank you, Matt, for loving me, for marrying me, and helping me see what is really, truly romantic. I love you. Happy Valentine's Day!
It's been eleven weeks now since we had our last Sunday at our church. So much has happened, and yet not much has happened. Make sense? Let me fill you in a little....
So, we finished at church, and that afternoon we headed off to Nemeska, Quebec, for a week. Then we came home, and over the next few weeks we did more travelling for fun as well as Matt speaking at camp. It was so busy we didn't have much time to think about our future. As I have shared before, we knew we were doing exactly what God wanted us to do, so we weren't too worried. Although we had our moments, me especially, of sheer panic.
Then it was getting into September and we still didn't know what was going to happen. Our house was up for sale and gaining lots of interest. But no offers. We had no income for more than a month. The first week after we were done, we received several incredibly generous gifts which had been providing for us so thus far, but no money since and the well was beginning to run dry. Matt had been in contact with a church out in Alberta, and he had a weekend all set to go out there to meet the pastor and church. But we still didn't know if this was going to be the place for us. I was looking at surgery and quite a few weeks of recovery time. Things just didn't seem to be going the way I had envisioned them.
Matt and I talked about how we felt like our lives were on hold and being patient was getting harder by the day. I stopped checking our bank account every day because I would get a knot in my stomach watching it get down lower and lower. I found myself worrying about it all. Matt was feeling the huge burden of needing to provide for his family. He had applied for unemployment, but was denied because he didn't have a good enough reason for leaving his other job. The government doesn't understand the whole following Gods leading thing. Matt was beginning to look for a "regular" job that he could start soon.
It didn't make a whole lot of sense to me- why God would lead us away only to "leave us hanging" so to speak. I was praying for His will to be made known to us and soon! We were just a few days away from not being able to pay our bills. What are you doing, God?
Here I was, in the same place I always seem to get when things don't go my way. Questioning what God was doing. And there God was, in the same place He always is showing us His perfect provision and plan. Matt flew out West and the weekend went great. He loved the church and the church loved him. My surgery went well and my recovery is going well.
One night about two weeks ago, I was just praying, telling the Lord how worried I was over our finances. I was trying to trust Him, but was having a hard time doing so. Wouldn't you know that the very next day we received yet another very generous and very unexpected gift in the mail? And we received a phone call telling us our former church had taken up a love offering for us! That right there would provide over two more weeks for us. Then, the next day we got a bill in the mail. As soon as I saw it my heart sank a little. I had forgotten this was coming and we didn't have the extra really to pay it. But as soon as I opened it up, I saw it was stamped "PAID" and at the bottom, in someone's handwriting it said, "Paid in full." I stood there for a minute, looking at it, confused. We didn't pay it! But someone did. Right then, I paused and in my heart thanked God for His perfect provision. And asked forgiveness for my continued worry and lack of faith.
So, these past eleven weeks have not been the most fun time of our lives. There have been some trying times. Some scary times. But even more so, we have had some wonderful times. Matt and I are seeing God completely take care of us with no help from us at all. He is stretching our faith and trust in Him far beyond I would have ever thought.
Today is Thanksgiving Day in Canada. And I want to just thank the Lord for His goodness. He is so, so good. We don't deserve any of this. And yet He still showers us with His blessings. As for our future, Matt and I fly back out to Alberta in a week and half for one more formal interview, but really the job has been offered to Matt and we have accepted. We are really just waiting for me to recover and our house to sell, and we will be moving out west to start our new ministry. Until then Matt has a job working for his dad which he is able to do from home. We are being spoiled by having Daddy around all the time!
This has been a hard time for us, at least me. But God is so good and taking such good care of us. And in case I find myself starting to doubt again, I have a bill hanging on my fridge that says "Paid in full." Thank you, Lord. Thank you.
Its just days before Christmas, and I am sitting here on my couch balancing our laptop on my almost non-existent lap due to my rather large and pregnant belly. My children are safely tucked away soundly sleeping in their beds. My husband and I are discussing taking the turkey out of the freezer to begin defrosting so he can begin getting it ready for a delicious meal on Christmas Day. Our tree is lit up with twinkling white lights with pretty wrapped presents stacked haphazardly underneath. And I can't help but think back to what we refer to as "The First Christmas."
I don't know, maybe its because I am so "great with child" this year, but I have had Mary on my mind a lot this Christmas season. What was it really like for her, those many years ago? And the more I think about it, the more I study it, the more I teach my children about why we even have Christmas, the more I realize that I believe we not only trivialize Christmas, but more so, we romanticise it.
Now, we know that just because we celebrate Christmas in December doesn't mean that is when Jesus was born. It wasn't necessarily on December 25th, in the deep trenches of winter. But that is when we, as a people, have set aside to remember the miraculous virgin birth of the Messiah. Unfortunately, much of the world has "forgotten" the true reason for this holiday and trivialized it with notions of a man in red who somehow makes it to every house all over the world in one night, delivering gifts to all the "nice" children and eating cookies and drinking glasses of milk (sure sounds like a good bribe for parents to threaten their children with to be good so they will receive gifts).
And it is easy for us as Christians to get caught up in that nonsense. But, even if we don't get caught up in that hoopla, we are just as guilty of something just as "bad." We have our parties, our banquets, our church programs, our plays, and cantatas. We sing songs such as Joy to the World, Away in a Manger, and Silent Night. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with any of that. But let's think about it in a different way for just a minute...
Mary and Joseph we betrothed. In studying the culture of that time, we know that Mary was probably between the ages of 12-14. Joseph was "engaged" to Mary. During this engagement time, Mary was visited by an angel. And this angel told her that she was going to conceive - still being a virgin - and that baby was going to be the promised Messiah. Can you imagine? We don't know exactly how the angel appeared - whether it was a bright glowing being like we tend to see in the movies, or if it was a regular looking person that had some trait to where she knew it was not from this earth. But either way, she was visited by this angel, and her life was forever changed.
I think of the thoughts that would have gone immediately through her mind. How could she conceive? She and Joseph were not married yet. She had never been with a man. What would this mean when she was found to be with child before marriage? What would Joseph say? Would he believe her about the angel? What would everyone else say? I can imagine that not only those thoughts of fear and uncertainty went through her mind, but also thoughts of awe, excitement, and honor. The Jews knew the Messiah was coming. They knew He would have a miraculous birth. It probably was every young Jewish girl's dream to be the chosen one to carry the Christ-child in her womb. And now, Mary was being told that SHE was that one. SHE would bear the Messiah. SHE had found favor in God's sight. Yes, I think awe mixed with fear might be a good way to explain how she felt.
Fast forward to about 9 months later. Oh, it had been a tough 9 months - not even including all the regular pregnancy things a woman goes through. People hadn't believed Mary. Even Joseph struggled with the facts until he was visited by an angel confirming all Mary had told him. Mary was sent away for a while to get away from the gossip, scrutiny, etc. And now, nearing the end of her pregnancy, there was the decree from Ceasar. Mary and Joseph now had to pack up and leave her family and home that she has always known, to travel to Bethlehem for the tax.
I remember so clearly, just after Matt and I were married and we were getting ready to leave the church to go on our honeymoon. The limo was waiting and the guests had their rose petals all ready to throw at us. We were inside, saying goodbye to our parents. And I felt the change that was taking place in my life. I was no longer the single daughter of my parents. I was a married woman. The relationship with my parents was suddenly changing. The responsibility of me was now moved to my husband. Oh, it didn't mean that my parents were no longer an important role in my life. But their role had changed. As I hugged my mom and dad goodbye, the tears couldn't help but come. Of course, it would only be a short while before I would see them again. It wasn't a "see you in 20 years" goodbye (really I saw them just under 2 months later). But the tears still came. Life was changing - not in a bad way. But it was changing. And change isn't always easy.
But it wasn't quite the same with Mary. She didn't know when she would return to her family and home - if ever. It wasn't like she could hop on a plane or bus whenever she wanted. She was leaving with Joseph, her soon to be husband, whom she probably didn't know that well. She was going to a place she probably had never been before. And on top of all that, she was soon to deliver her first child, the Christ child. She was most likely like most girls are - wanting their mom there by their side to help them through that wonderful yet very unknown time in their life - having their first baby. But her mom wouldn't be there to help her through it. I can imagine there were some tears then, for sure.
So Mary and Joseph leave and begin the journey to Bethlehem. Mary, ready to have her baby at any time. Now, I am still 4 weeks out from my due date, and I can't imagine going on any time of trip right now. I'm so large and uncomfortable even the thought of going to the grocery store in a comfy van with a soft seat is a bit exhausting. And Mary had to travel, either by foot or on a donkey. How comfortable would that be? I don't know exactly how many days it was that they traveled, but I am sure it seemed much longer to Mary. She may have longed for some place to lie down - some place soft to rest her weary body.
Imagine the sigh of relief she may have felt when, up ahead, Bethlehem came into view. Whew! The end was in sight! Finally, they could find a place in an inn and she would then be able to prepare and rest for the delivery, which she knew was imminent. But then, wait! No room? Each place they go to was full! No one - no one had any room for them! The timeline is somewhat unclear here, but it may have been that perhaps during their search she did begin to labor. Oh, it wasn't too painful at first, but then it was slowly becoming more intense and she needed to lie down! Joseph may have begun to panic - nervous that they would never find a place! But finally, one person offers all that they have - their stable - their barn - for them to stay in. Perhaps if that person knew what was about to take place - Who was about to be born - they would have offered their own home and bed instead. Perhaps. But still, they offered something.
A stable? Have you been in a stable or barn lately? Where we live is surrounded by farms. Our church is downhill (and often downwind!) of a dairy farm. I can assure you that often times the odor is less than pleasant. My sense of smell is so sensitive when I am pregnant, that sometimes when the wind blows and I catch that "country perfume," I actually start gagging. It stinks. Imagine being in the barn - right at the source of those smells. It stunk. It wasn't clean. It was filthy. And the noise! The animals eating and mooing, and spitting, and whatever else - it was noisy. Definitely NOT a Silent Night.
And this was where Mary was to deliver not only her first child, but the Messiah! But they had no choice. I'm sure that Mary had assisted in deliveries before, so she may have had some idea of what was to take place. But its a whole different story going through it herself. I can imagine that, before she left her home, her mother gave her advice and instructions on what to do. Her mom may have even given her some supplies to use during and after the birth - including some scrap cloth to wrap the baby in. We often portray and imagine the "swaddling clothes" as crisp, clean, sparkling while cloths that baby Jesus was swaddled in. But it probably wasn't the case. It may have been well worn, even a bit dirty from the trip. Its only called "swaddling clothes" because Jesus was swaddled in it. Nothing special about the clothes.
Now think of this - when the time came for the intense part of labor and the pushing, Mary didn't have a midwife or nurse there to help her. It was just Joseph. She didn't have medication or epidurals to turn to. Joseph most likely had assisted in the births of animals, but never a baby. He must have been terrified, seeing the looks of agony on her face and hearing the cries of pain. And then think of this - Mary and Joseph had not been together physically yet. And here he was, in a stable, far from their families, helping her deliver the baby. Can you think there may have been some awkwardness there? I certainly think so. And so there they were. Mary and Joseph - in a stable - surrounded by animals, Mary giving birth. And there, with Mary and Joseph - in a stable - surrounded by animals, Mary gave birth to Jesus - the promised Messiah.
When we look at our Nativity scenes we usually see Mary and Joseph - looking at the manger with baby Jesus in it all wrapped in clean clothes. There are shepherds and wise men (which, by the way - were not there just after he was born. Well, the wise men, I mean). The animals are there, but keeping their distance. All is perfectly neat and happy and content and calm and quiet.
But I don't think it was calm. I don't think it was even quiet. Joseph may have had to keep pushing the animals away from Mary and the baby. It stunk. It was dirty. Mary was sore, tired, and probably nervous about being not only a mother, but Jesus' mother. She was exhausted, as I am sure Joseph was from the traveling, the sleepless nights, the worrying and the searching for a room.
Why do I say all this? Because I think we should look at it like it is. The circumstances, the surroundings, the events. All are not how we would imagine how the King of Kings and Lord of Lords should come. Its not how the Savior of the world should make His entrance. Its not how it all should be. But that is how God chose to send His son. That is how Jesus CHOSE to come.
It wasn't a "Silent Night." Perhaps baby Jesus did cry some when the "cattle were lowing." It was dirty, and smelly. And why did all this happen? For ME. For you. All this was for us. This lowly, unlovely birth happened so that Jesus could die for us. For you. For me.
So yes, we tend to trivialise Christmas. But we also romanticise it. We make it all pretty and sparkly and sadly even trivial. How sad. But when I look at it with its honest and lowly circumstances, how Christ's birth truly was, it makes this celebration of Jesus' birth even more meaningful to me. It makes it more holy. It makes it even more humbling that Christ would come to earth and die for me, a worthless, rotten sinner who can do no good apart from God.
We have had a very busy week - and basically all involving dr. appts! On Monday I had my now bi-weekly prenatal appt. and all is looking good. Baby's heartbeat is nice and strong and she is head down (although she could still turn a little if she wanted to - but I hope she doesn't since that would hurt alot! I think I have mentioned that we are not totally certain on my due date, which sort of makes me a little anxious. I'm three for three now on going into labor - on my own - right on my due date. So not really knowing this time kinda makes me antsy. Not that it would happen that way again - it just seems to be the way I do things! :-) So really, once January 18 comes along, I am going to be ready to have that baby (January 18 is the first date they think might be the due date).
I also think it is funny that the drs. and nurses always tell me how they just can't believe that I have never had a baby early - since I am such a "tiny person." I tell you this not to brag or anything like that. But it makes my heart so thankful to hear things like that, since growing up I was told many times that they were not sure how or even if my body could handle a pregnancy. I remember when Matt and were dating and things were getting more serious telling him the possibility that I would not be able to bear children. Thankfully that didn't scare him away and God has been so very good and blessed us beyond what we could have dreamed. So now I am just trying to enjoy these last few weeks of being pregnant and savoring each punch and kick I feel (which is still a ton - we definitely have a squirmy wormy with this one!).
Monday night we dropped the girls off at Matt's parents' house to spend the night. We had to get up very early Tuesday morning and drive an hour to a hospital where Liam was have a surgical procedure done. It is nothing to worry about, but just something that needed to be taken care of to help with some issues he had been having. So we got up bright and early (well, actually it wasn't bright - it was still quite dark! ha!) and left our house at 6 a.m. and drove to the hospital. We got Liam admitted and ready for surgery and then had to wait for his turn. We were just in a small room in the Day Surgery area. Liam spent the time trading off and on with Daddy playing Angry Birds, and I attempted to enjoy the quite time and read, but instead fell sound asleep in my chair! But then, I can pretty much fall asleep these days on demand at any given moment! I am always so sleepy!
After about an hour and a half, the nurse came in to get Liam and I just have to say what a brave little boy we have. We both gave him a big kiss, told him we loved him and would be waiting right there for him. He then left with the nurse, walking down the hall with his little bum flashing everyone he passed. It was kinda cute! Anyways, the procedure only took not even half an hour, and then he went to recovery and within an hour they brought him back to us. He looked good and was devouring a Popsicle. Poor guy - it was then just before 11 a.m. and he hadn't been able to eat since supper the night before! The nurse then brought him in some toast and he basically just swallowed that whole!
We had to wait around for a bit longer to be sure he was okay, and then we rushed off to eat some lunch before my dr. appt with the high risk OB at 1 p.m. This was just a follow-up exam to make sure that we were all still on track for me to have a natural delivery. So we got to see our little Baby "L........" again. This was Liam's first time seeing an ultrasound in person, and the look on his face was absolutely priceless. He was smiling so big and kept gasping and asking, "What is that? Is that her foot?" And the dr. would tell him what we were looking at. As always, it is so amazing to see your baby like that. We saw her sweet foot, and heart beating away, and even saw she already has some "chubby on her cheeks" as the dr. put it. We saw her eyes and could even see some eyelashes and a bit of fuzz on her head. She was, as usual, moving around like crazy so it was hard to get a profile shot. But it was great to see her again and watching Liam's face was just as fun to watch. Its so exciting to think that the next time we see her she will be in our arms! Although they can't be totally sure, according to the measurements and such they estimate she is already almost 6 pounds! Whew! And I'm to the point now where really all that's going on with her is her lungs developing and she is putting on the weight. So, it looks like we may have another good sized baby - especially for me being such a "tiny person." Haha! (Liam was 8 lbs, Leila was 7.10 and Libby was 8.6).
Wednesday we had yet another appt, except this was to the chiropractor fo Matt and I. It is always so nice to be adjusted and it really makes a HUGE difference in your overall health and how you feel physically. If you don't believe me, I would LOVE to try to convince you! Anyways, Matt and I were able to go to that without the kids, and we also picked up the last few things for Christmas - the stocking stuffers! We are now all set for Christmas.
So, while getting these last few things, we went to a store in Houlton, ME called Mardens. I know I have talked about this store before. It is basically a place where stuff that is either slightly damaged, overstock, or older models of stuff is sent to be sold. And you can really find some great deals. There is everything from clothing and shoes for the whole family to bedding and bath stuff to small appliances. They have furniture, mattresses, carpeting, flooring, hardware, and even books. The stock is constantly changing, so even if you went there you would find something new every single time. And you quickly learn that if you see something you want - get it right then. NEVER "think about it and come back" because you are almost guaranteed that it will be gone.
So we were just walking through there when we came across the furniture section. We saw some really cute toddler beds set up so we just looked at them. Now, in the past I have always said I thought they were sort of a waste of money. We always just went straight from the crib to the twin bed with no problems. Well, since we have been getting ready for baby #4 to come, we have been trying to figure out the bed situation. Now, at first she will be in with us in her little bassinet things. But after that I wasn't sure what we were going to do. We do have a set of bunk beds that my parents are giving us, but that is in Colorado and we don't know when that will be brought here (its kind of a long drive, you know!) So, we looked at the beds and there was one cute one that was the exact style and color of our crib and changing table. So we thought about it for a few minutes and discussed getting it. There wasn't a price on it so we had to ask. The guy wasn't sure, but found out and even took $20 off the price for us. So, after going back and forth for quite a little while, we decided that, since it was a really, really good price, we would get it. It would not only give us some time to figure everything else out for the other kids, but it also would make some room since the kid's rooms are feeling a bit crowded. And honestly, what we paid for it is actually what I would ask for in a yard sale myself, so I know we can make our money back in a couple years.
Well, let me tell you - Libby LOVES this bed! It is really cute to watch her in it and any time you ask her about the bed, she will run to her room to look at it! Tomorrow I will try to take a picture so you can see it. So, there's another thing I can add to my "Things I Said I Would Never Do But Have Done" list!
So today, since we have been so busy, I have done not much of anything. Except be with my family and sleep. Matt and Liam went out on a "mystery errand" this morning, resulting in a new present under the tree. :-) Liam's good at keeping secrets cuz all he will tell me is that it is a "Christmas surprise for Mommy." Today the weather was a "wintry mix" meaning it started out snowing half the day then turned to rain. That makes for bad road conditions, so we just hung out at home the rest of the day and it has been wonderful! Tomorrow we will be home most of the day until supper when we are going to some friends' house.
And that's this week! We are all excitedly counting down the days until Christmas. But actually, another very important thing happens first. A certain Somebody has a birthday on Sunday! And he reminds us about every 25 minutes or so. Lest you be confused, that "Somebody" is none other than Daddy himself!
When I was younger, my dad told us kids the story of when he and his brother were young and they would be driving around their town during the Christmas season. Whenever they saw a house that did not have any Christmas decorations up on the outside of the house, they would sing a song that said, "His name is Crabby Appleton, he's rotten to the core." Well, my siblings and I took a liking to this so we started doing the same thing. We would sing it when we passed houses that looked very "un-Christmas-y." I guess Matt and I would qualify as Crabby Appletons this year since we don't have any decorations outside. But good grief! The price of lights and such are so high this time of year, and the set we did have no longer work!
Anyways, I suppose the purpose of my telling you this story is that, well, I'm not totally sure! Ha! I guess I have just been thinking about this lately, since it is Christmas time and all. What really made me think about it was a conversation I overheard yesterday at the bank. I was taking care of a deposit for my job that I do for my father-in-law when a man walked in and went to the teller next to me. Now, let me just put in a little side note here: one thing that I really like about small town living is that places you frequent such as the bank you are known on a first name basis. I just walk into our bank and the ladies greet me with a "Hi, Emily" and ask about how the kids are and how the house renos are coming, etc. If it is Matt in there they often ask how I am doing and how the pregnancy is going. This is not just at the bank - but grocery stores, etc. I really like that!
Okay, so back to my story. The man walked in and started talking to his teller, asking about her kids and such. Then he mentioned that he noticed she had not put lights up on her house yet. She said, "Ya, I haven't gotten around to it yet and Jerry is too busy to put them up." The man then said, "Yes, I was talking to Jerry and he said you had been in a bad mood lately." (isn't that great for a husband to say to someone about his wife!!) She quickly came back with, "I'm not in a bad mood, I just haven't felt very Christmasy lately."
By this time I was done with my transactions and said good-bye and left. But for some reason, that comment has stuck with me. What exactly does it mean to "feel Christmasy." If any of you know me, you know that I absolutely LOVE Christmas time. I love the lights, the decor, the smells, the treats, the songs, the movies. But I mostly love the meaning. I mean, the highly overused catch phrase "Jesus is the reason for the season" can get a little annoying, but its true. Its this time of year that we celebrate our precious Saviour's birth. That sure makes me "feel Christmasy."
But that's just me. What about others? What makes them feel like celebrating? Is it a tradition with friends and/or family? Is it a trip? Is it the time spent with family? Is it the gifts - getting and/or receiving? Is it Santa? What is it?
I suppose I think about this a lot because we are in the midst of raising our children, and striving to do our best to teach them about what Christmas is really about. Now, we have personally made the decision to not let our children believe in Santa. We have come to this decision with three basic reasons.
1. I never believed in Santa. I always knew that he was a made-up thing that people talk about every Christmas. I used to laugh to myself when my sweet Grandma would give us a gift from her and Grandpa and then another one from "Santa." I thought it was cute - but I never believed in Santa. And honestly, I don't feel that I was cheated in any way out of some childhood thrill or excitement. I don't feel like I was short changed in any way.
2. Some may disagree with me on this, but I think telling our children about Santa and how he comes each Christmas Eve to give us our presents is lying to our children. Say what you may, but it isn't true, so that makes it a lie. Why in the world would we spend all this time training our children to be honest, tell the truth always, and then turn around and tell them this made up story? What happens when they find out he isn't real? Some kids may take it fine, but some may then begin to question other things their parents have always told them. Is the Bible really true? Is Jesus real? I know, I have had people tell me that is taking it a little too far, but I don't want to "take my chances" so to speak. And I certainly don't want to lie to my kids!
- Again, I wanted to make a side note here, too. The other day I saw a picture of two kids sitting on Santa's lap. The kids faces were red from screaming and they were both holding out their hands reaching for their mom or dad because they were terrified of this person in whose lap they were sitting. I told Matt that I just don't get it. Why in the world would a parent stand in line in a busy store or mall, with their kids getting impatient just waiting, all so they can sit in a strange man's lap, possibly tell him what they wanted for Christmas if they aren't screaming and crying, then an "elf" attempt to take a picture of said screaming children and strange man and be charged $10 or more for that "precious" memory? I just don't get it!
3. Finally, we don't tell our children that Santa is real because we want them to know that those gifts under the tree were bought and paid for with Mommy and Daddy's hard earned money, as well as Grammy and Papa and Grampy and Nana's money, etc. I want my children to learn to appreciate the gifts and to not take them for granted. Yes, they don't totally get it now, but I believe they will.
You can disagree with me if you want, but that is what Matt and I have decided for our family. And I will not look down on anyone who does let their children believe in Santa. I don't think we are better or more spiritual than them in any way shape or form. I am just explaining why we have come to this decision for our family.
Its actually kinda funny. I mean, our kids know that Santa "exists" in that you see him everywhere. And now, everywhere we go people are always asking them what they asked Santa for and if they are excited for Santa to come to their house. Usually they just stare at the person with almost a blank look on their face, then tell the person our presents are already under the tree. Then Matt or I usually step in and explain that the kids don't believe in Santa. Oh, some of the looks we get are priceless! But I just say, "We want our kids to know that we work hard for their gifts." People usually seem to get it then.
So, anyways, back to my original thought. What makes people feel Christmasy? When someone says they aren't in the Christmas spirit, it makes me wonder what exactly could be going on in their life that would have them say that. Is there a tough thing they are going through? Is it health, financial, family issues? Are they lonely? Depressed? It reminds me that this time, and actually all times throughout the year we need to be on the lookout for people who need encouragement. We need to not be so focused on ourselves that we fail to see the needs of others. Christmas is a time when people typically are spending time with family. Perhaps there is someone you know who has no family, or is not close to family (either in location or emotionally). Christmas is a time when we buy gifts for each other. Perhaps there is a person who has no money to give anything, or is not receiving any gifts. Christmas is a time when we as Christians focus on the miraculous virgin birth of our Saviour, and rejoice in the hope that we will spend eternity in perfect fellowship with God Himself. Perhaps there is a person you know who does not have that hope - maybe has never been told of that hope.
Let's spend this Christmas season trying to focus on others. Let's find out the reason why that person whom we may sing about being a Crabby Appleton is not feeling very Christmasy. Then, let's try to help them and encourage them in whatever way we can. Ya, that sounds like a much better idea to me than telling a strange man in a red suit that I want a new red hoodie for Christmas.
I find myself saying that all the time. About lots of stuff! But blogging is one of those things that I have really been meaning to do. But these days seem to come and go, and when I do get the chance to blog, my mind is a total blank. Which is weird because all throughout the day I will think of something somewhat interesting that I could post on here! But I totally forget it when I actually CAN blog. I guess that is my mommy/pregnancy brain.
But anyways, we are doing well. It seems lately we have been spending lots of time at the doctor's office. For all of us. Matt is having some basic testing done - mainly routine things that should be done yearly, especially with some of his family's health history. The kids are still battling whatever sickness we had before we went to New Hampshire for Thanksgiving. We actually have had the girls to the dr. twice this week. They both are very croupy and have had to take a dose of steroids to help their coughs. I feel bad for them because I know they don't feel well, and there's not much I can do but give them lots of hugs and kisses. Liam seems to be better, though, which is good. Although he claims to be "hungry all the time" and he is always asking for something, so I do believe we are going through a bit of a growth spurt.
Speaking of growth spurts, I have gone through on myself. Well, Baby L has, at least. I measured myself the other day and realized that I am almost exactly the same size I was just a few days before Libby was born. Only I still have 6 1/2 weeks to go! Whew! Just when you think you can't get any bigger, you do! I have now resorted to staying home a lot more and wearing Matt's t-shirts and shorts and such because that is the only thing that is comfortable. I'm now going to the dr. every two weeks, and soon will start going every week. Its exciting, but I am having a little trouble being patient.
I also have those brief moments when I realize that I, in just a few short weeks, am going to be a mother to FOUR children! It honestly blows my mind. Strange as it may seem, I still, in my mind, think of myself as a young college student or something like that. Not someone who is pushing 30 (did I really just type that???) and has all these young sprouts to look after! When in the world did I grow up (I use that term very loosely! :-)
But I'm not complaining. I love where God has me in my life right now. I love my husband so very much. My children bring me so much joy. And frustration. But that's all part of the package. Not a day goes by when we don't have to deal with obedience or some other issue, but not a day goes by when my kids don't bring a smile to my face or a laugh to my lips.
Liam, as usual, is just loving school. And now that he is able to read more than just three letter words, he wants to read everything. Its kinda weird for me to hear him in the other room reading his books to his sisters. And I mean really reading! Sounding out and everything! He's growing so much! He still brings up Jesus and the cross and heaven often, so we talk about that a lot. I love to hear him pray - so sweet, innocent, and sincere! He is excited about the new baby and keeps praying that it will be January soon so we can get the baby. The other day he said to me, "Mommy, when you go to the hospital to get the baby, Grammy will stay with me. And you can take Daddy with you to help you if you want to." Now isn't that generous of him! I told him that I would need Daddy's help for sure! :-)
Leila has been giving us a little more of a difficult time with obedience lately. But we are working through it. She still will talk your ear off, asking questions about anything and everything! Its funny to me to see that, even at a very young age, you can see the difference in how much a girl talks compared to a boy. Although Liam sure can carry on a l-o-n-g conversation too! Leila has always been a Daddy's girl, but it seems to have become even stronger lately. She is now always following him around, wanting to sit with him (or on his lap, actually), and talk to him all the time. Its really sweet to watch! It kinda scares me at times because I see so much of myself in her, too. I was a sneaky little girl, and I see it in her too! Although it isn't all that sneaky. She will be in another room, and she will yell out to me, "Mommy, don't come in here, okay?" That's my cue to go see what's going on. And she is usually doing something she knows she isn't supposed to do! She also has started this thing where she will do something like this: "The cat needs to sleep." I will say, "She might need to!" Then she will say, "No, mommy. Now you say, 'what cat?'" Then I humor her and ask what cat and she will say, "Katie!" She is clearly an oldest girl in that she is quite bossy - even telling me what to say! (I have NO idea where that would have come from - right Manda? :-) )
Libby is really changing. She is very independent and wants to do everything from getting dressed to putting on her own shoes. Actually, she like to dress herself, and then undress herself. She isn't really a fan of clothes right now and we will often find her walking around in only her diaper (which she can take off if she wants to!). Its kinda funny but she loves to run around like that. She is talking so much more, too. Anytime we are on the phone and we hang up, she will say, "Who you talk to?" Its really cute. I love talking with her! She has finally connected "baby" with my belly and not herself. And she is a tease. She loves to take what Leila is playing with and run away laughing with it. That does not sit well with Leila, let me tell you!
So there you have it! We are enjoying being together as a family, enjoying the Christmas tree, counting down the days until Christmas, singing and dancing to Jingle Bells, It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, and other Christmas songs. We are enjoying the cold weather and the snow. Ahhh.... We are so blessed.
Well, a lot has been going on since my last post. Let's see if I can "summarize" it all for you...
Since I last posted we:
- Have been to many, many dr. appts. For me, for Liam, for Matt. We are all fine, just some check-ups and such. But I'm pretty sure we are close to having met every doctor in the Province. I have been seeing my regular GPs for my monthly (now bi-weekly! yay!) prenatal appointments, but also, because of my other non-pregnancy related health issues, I have been seeing high risk OBs and other OBs. And every time I see one they tell me something new. Like the last one I saw informed me that my official due date, according to my first ultrasound at around 10 weeks, is January 18. That's a whole 6 days earlier than the January 24 date they were giving me. I guess since we weren't for sure on exactly all my dates, they took the farthest date, which is the 24th. But it is kinda nice for me to think that maybe I only have 7 weeks left rather than 8. But don't worry, I'm not getting my hopes up (or trying not to). I am really getting uncomfortable, though. But I have done this before and I know I can do it again!
-Have had a lot going on at church. Of course its been all the usual stuff for Matt. And I had our last ladies' Bible study for the year. We finished up the book of Esther(we had been there for a little over a year!). I am thinking of moving on to Ruth now. Now things are in full swing of decorating and planning for the Christmas festivities.
- Got our Christmas tree. I don't know about you, but I LOVE a real tree. On the years that we go to Colorado for Christmas, we just put up our fake tree. But every other year we get a real one! We are blessed to have a family in our church that has their own tree lot and they always give us one as a gift. What a blessing (because if they didn't, I doubt we could afford one - they seem to be quite pricey these days unless you tramp out into the middle of the woods and cut one yourself). We decorated it the same day - the kids love it! Libby is definitely quite interested it the "balls" on the tree and she is learning to not touch. I love our tree!
- Got snow tires. Wowsers - are tires expensive, especially if the ones for your vehicle are not a standard size and most places here don't carry the "off" brands in the non-standard size. But, my husband, being the deal finder that he is, got a couple places to compete with each other and we got a great deal. And it basically came down to not only competing with other companies, but the place that gave us the deal did it partly because of our loyalty to them. It is the place where we bought the van, and we get all our oil changes and tire rotations, etc. done through them. Matt has sent several customers their way to whom they have sold cars. Maybe its the small town thing, but the company really seems to appreciate it and they often give us a break when we need it. So it does pay to be a loyal customer!
- Spent Thanksgiving with my brother and his family. I think I told you all we were going. Well, we did! It was so much fun! They have three children - a boy that is Liam's age, and girl that is Leila's age, and a 7 month old. The kids played very well together and it was just so fun to watch them interact. I love it that my kids have cousins that they can be good friends with. In our family we actually have 4 kids Liam's age, and 4 Leila's age, and one a bit older than Libby (with some older ones in there and of course the 7 month old). So that is really nice for them to always have friends that are family!
I did find out what I already suspected. I think we are going to have a hard time with Libby being jealous of the new baby. Every time I held Oliver (the 7 month old), Libby was NOT happy. She hated it and would run to me, cry, and start to throw a little fit. Great. At least now we know and we will hopefully be able to deal with it easily.
We left our house on Tuesday and drove the 6 hours there and made good time, with stopping every few hours for me to stretch and go to the restroom. We are so thankful for the good travelers we have and the kids gave us no problems. Wednesday night was a girl's night out for Danielle and I, and it was really fun. I don't get that but maybe 2 or 3 times a year, so I really enjoy it when I can!
Thursday we went to Danielle's mom's house and had a delicious meal. Pierre, Danielle's brother-in-law, made the turkey and I have to say, it was the best turkey I have ever had (and I am not really a huge fan of turkey!). Oh, it was so good! It was a little crazy with our three kids, Andrew and Danielle's three kids, and Pierre and Deanna's four kids, along with the rest of the adults, but it was fun.
Matt went out shopping around 10 p.m. to get some of the deals. There were long lines, but since we weren't going for any of the door busters or the big items that everyone seemed to want, it wasn't that bad. Then on Thursday Matt, Danielle, and I (along with Leila and Evie), went out for a few hours mid-morning. We went to Target and Kohl's. There were long lines at Kohl's, but we only waited for maybe 30 mins - not too bad at all. Actually, I stayed in the toy sections with the girls so they could play while Matt and Danielle stood in line. We also went to Babies R Us and I was able to get a new outfit for the new baby! Its so cute and I can't wait to put it on her!
By the time we got home from that, I was wiped out, but didn't feel like I had outdone it like I did two years ago. We got home, Matt and Andrew went out golfing, and I took a nice long nap on the couch. That night we had a super delicious meal of ham, scalloped potatoes, rolls, and veggies. It was so good! Then, Saturday we got up early and headed off. We drove the 4 hours to Bangor, ME (well, we stopped one time in between) and did a little more shopping there. We had just a couple things that we still wanted to get. Well, that's when our nice day went downhill.
We didn't want to spend a lot on lunch, so we just ordered an $11 pizza from Papa John's and ate it in the car. Dumb idea. The kids wanted their pizza cut up, and I didn't have any way to cut it up. So they made a huge mess. Because we were trying to save time, Matt ran into Kohl's while I fed the kids in the car. But trying to balance stuff on your almost non-existent lap with a big belly in the way is not an easy task. But we all got some food in us and headed back into Kohl's. Now, let me say here - I usually love Kohl's. I still do. I look forward to going there anytime I am near one (which isn't all that often!). But I was upset with them on Saturday. First of all, I could not for the life of me find a cart. With all the stuff we travel with, we didn't have room for a stroller. I searched all over and could not find one. This has happened in the past and it irritates me that they never seem to have enough! I tried not to give an "evil eye" to the people I saw pushing around the carts that have the seats for kids, except they had no kids and were using the seat part for their coat! That made me mad! (Ha, can you sense I have some strong preggo hormones going on right now? :-) So I was having a hard time keeping up with all three kids. They weren't really being bad, just having fun playing among the racks and stuff. We were trying to find some clothes for Matt. He has been in desperate need for some new clothes for quite sometime. Well, we walked around and found some stuff and got ready to check out. There was not a very long line (thankfully) and we were at the cash in almost no time. We were excited because we had some Kohl's cash and a 15% off card, so we were only going to have to pay maybe $14 for some really nice stuff. Well, the clerk was almost done with the order when she informed us that we couldn't use our Kohl's cash that day. We had to wait until Monday. What? I mean, I had looked at the thing, and guess I didn't realize that it had start dates on it. I looked at her and said, "Really? Even if we are from out of the country?" She then smiled really big and said, "Oh are you from Canada? Well we can take it late, just not early. So you can come later!" I appreciate her enthusiasm, but really, when I say out of country, what do you think that means? Its not like its a quick jaunt over to "pick something up at Kohl's." I asked her if there was anything she could do, and she said again that they can take it late, just not early. Well, I know you have to have rules, but that one doesn't make sense to me. What's the difference? Really? So, we just told her, "Never mind, then." and walked out of the store with nothing. We just didn't have the money for it without the Kohl's cash.
The kid's were confused and asking why we weren't bringing our stuff, so we were trying to explain why we left the stuff there. And that's when I started crying. It was a combination of being tired, frustrated, a little embarrassed, and upset that we couldn't get the stuff for Matt. Oh, and those pregnancy hormones seem to be in full force these days. So, I was upset. I guess it isn't really Kohl's fault, but it feels better to blame them. Haha! So, to help me calm down some, Matt got the kids in the car and I went next door by myself to Old Navy. They have slippers there that I always like to get for the kids. They are my favorite kind of slippers I have found and the kids actually wear them! So I was able to get those on sale, and to make myself feel a little better, I also got Matt and good deal on a pair of jeans. So when I came out, I was feeling a bit better.
I'm still irritated that we spent 45 mins looking and digging through the mess at Kohl's with me a bit stressed about the kids being loose and free, only to have to leave everything there. And to come home with hardly anything new for Matt, which he really needs, is bothering me. But we will get him new clothes - someday!
So that was our Thanksgiving!
- Got sick. The cold or whatever bug has hit our house. Everyone but Matt is sniffling, coughing, and wheezing. But thankfully no fevers or anything so far. I stayed home from church on Sunday with the girls in order to not spread all our germs with everyone else.
So, I guess that is what is up with us! This is a busy week getting the church decorated. We are having a pot-luck at church on Sunday so we have that to set up for as well. Also, we, as a family, always give a homemade goodies-gift to each family in our church every Christmas, along with our Christmas cards. We plan to hand those out this Sunday as well. So we have some baking to do!
Well, I hope everyone's Thanksgiving was an enjoyable one! Now the countdown begins to Christmas. And then baby for me! Getting really excited!
We are still here! I suppose when I wrote that last post I was feeling very down and discouraged - can you tell? Thank you to those of you who have contacted me letting me know you are praying for us. That means the world to me. And please don't stop. We still are having some difficult times - not only with church and family stuff, but also just battle extreme exhaustion. This happens to us this time of year - especially Matt. We give and give and work and work and keep busy all year long, and there comes a time when you NEED a break. Everyone is like that - no matter their vocation. Well, we are there. But we are taking a vacation soon which I am so excited for and can hardly wait until then! American Thanksgiving is just around the corner!
I did want to clarify that we are all healthy. What's going on has nothing to do with anyone's health. Just to let you know! I am doing well with the pregnancy. Baby is getting bigger and bigger, as am I. I'm already getting the questions from strangers about when I am due. Uh - I have about 3 months left! They always seem surprised. I just smile and move on. I am enjoying all these feelings (well, most anyway) of being pregnant as I know it is the last time I will feel the incredible and indescribably feeling of having a baby - a human life - move inside of you. Its great! I am getting more and more uncomfortable, but that's to be expected.
The kids are getting excited about the baby. They pray at night for the baby to come - then I remind them we have to wait just a little bit. Both Liam and Leila got to feel the baby kicking the other day and I think they were surprised, awed, and a little weirded out about it! HA!
Our weather, like most of you, has turned quite cold. We haven't gotten our first snow yet, but that is a-okay with me. When it snows this early it just makes the winter seem forever long. We often have very cold and snow into April, so we can put it off a little longer. But I am enjoying the cold and having a nice, warm, cozy home with Christmas music and candles. I haven't decorated for Christmas yet - but I never do that until after American Thanksgiving anyways - especially since we get a real tree! Actually, there are many people here who find it offensive to decorate for Christmas before Nov. 11 - Remembrance Day (Veterans Day in the US.) They think of it as disrespectful, so I don't want to offend anyone!
We are noticing a big difference with our new windows and added insulation this year. So all that money and work was well worth it. We still need to add more blown-in insulation in the attic, but that will probably have to wait until the new year. Next year we hope to have a wood pellet stove as our main heating source, which will save loads of money on the electric bill!
So, in a just a couple weeks we are planning on heading down to NH to my brother's house for American Thanksgiving. We have done this the past 2 years and it is becoming a bit of a tradition. Its always so fun! We just have a fun, relaxing time together, my sis-in-law, Danielle, and I usually get to have a girl's night out (I don't get that here at home usually!), and then Matt, Danielle and I go out on Black Friday with all the other crazy shoppers (no, I do NOT get up at 3 a.m. and go out - more like 8 or 9. Although Matt will get up - and we have gotten some pretty good deals because of it!).
I'm not usually a fan of shopping, but if its Christmas shopping I like it. And there is just something fun about shopping that day. I know, I'm crazy, but its the experience that we enjoy more than anything! The cold weather, the decorations, the music playing everywhere - just makes shopping fun! Every year Matt and I save all our change which we roll and cash in, we save cans a plastic bottles which we get money back for, and that is often enough to have a good start on money for the kid's Christmas gifts. Let me tell you - all that change lying around your house can really add up fast!
Now, after I said all that, I don't know how much I will actually go out shopping this year. I will be able to go for a little bit, but I know that 2 years ago when I was expecting Libby I pushed it a little too far, and paid for it pretty much the rest of the pregnancy. I had mild contractions, etc. for the next 6 weeks which was quite uncomfortable (although when it came time for labor - it was only 4 hours and I only pushed for 5 mins, so maybe it was worth it....Hmmmm..... ;-) ).
Well, I guess I will go. Just wanted to let you all know we are still here, still surviving, yet struggling some. But God is good, and is definitely giving us the strength we need to get through our days and weeks.
So, its Thanksgiving Day here in Canada. Its been a quiet-ish day here in our household, but its been nice. As usual on this day, I have been reflecting on what I am thankful for, but actually I seem to be doing it more these past few weeks. Especially since my friend's sister, Amy Bixby, passed away. Life is a vapour - God tells us that. We have no idea what our future holds. We are not guaranteed tomorrow - no matter what our age. Just this past year I have lost my great-grandmother and my uncle. I have friends that have lost one or both of their parents, and friends that have lost children - some even before birth. Just this past week a wonderful teacher from Pensacola Christian Academy lost (or should I say won) her battle with cancer and passed away. Mrs. Schmuck was my video school English teacher when I home schooled in middle school.
All this has me being more and more thankful for each day I have with my family. Sometimes I just have to put the housework aside and sit down and read a book or snuggle with my kids. So today, and always, I am so very thankful for my husband. I'm thankful for the privilege of growing up in a Christian home. I'm thankful for parents who love me, and love each other. I have many friends whose parents marriage is broken up, and it makes me thankful that mine are still together. I'm thankful for my three older brothers and their wives. In case you didn't know, I have three godly older brothers who love God and their families. They each have married wonderful women whom I think of more as sisters than sister-in-laws. I am thankful for my younger sister. She has turned into a beautiful, godly woman and has married a wonderful godly man. She and I are all "grown-up" now but we still spend plenty of time being silly and laughing together at jokes that only she and I would ever understand.
I'm thankful for my husband. Its at this point that I don't even have words to say how I feel. I am so thankful that God brought him into my life at the exact moment in time that I needed him. He balances me out perfectly, and I now can't imagine my life without him. He loves me more than I deserve, he spoils me constantly, and is always putting mine and the kids' needs before his own. I just love him so much! Oh, and by the way, thanks Babe for the post you wrote yesterday on here. I had no idea you did that until I signed on to write this post! It made me smile, and even tear up some (I seem to be doing that a lot lately!) I love you, too, Matt! :-)
I am so very thankful for my children. There was a time in my life when I wondered if I would even be able to have children. But God has blessed me with three pretty much perfect pregnancies and deliveries, and now a fourth pregnancy. Although this fourth one is having a few complications, I am still so very thankful for the life that I feel moving inside of me every day, and know that god is in control of this little one due in December. My children bring me more joy than they will every know. When I look at them, my heart just overflows with love for them. The are beautiful, healthy, and active kids that sometimes try my patience, but I would never give that up for anything!
I'm also very thankful for the family I joined when I married Matt. His parents have accepted me from the very beginning as a daughter and I know they would do anything for me. The are supportive to us in our lives, and are here for us if and when we need them. Although I don't see them very often, I am thankful for my brother-in-laws and the fun times that we do have when we are together. I am thankful for my sister-in-law, Michelle, whom I text pretty much every day and sometimes we can text off and on all day and have talked about nothing important or have spent the whole day attempting to solve the world's problems.
I sit here typing, and could go on and on of things I am thankful for, but I really just wanted to focus on my family for today. So many people do not have family like I have, and I appreciate this more and more. So on this day, I thank the Lord for my family - all my family. It is a blessing and I never, ever want to take them for granted.
On a couple side notes, I had mentioned doing another book report, but I think I will save that for another time - maybe later this week. I just want to focus on Thanksgiving today. Also, tomorrow is my dr. appt with the OB and the high resolution ultrasound and we should know more of whats going on. We would appreciate your prayers that all will have resolved itself! Thanks!
