Mommy Guilt

As I have mentioned before, I love to read people's blogs - whether I know that person or not.  If you don't do that much, you need to know that you do have to be careful when sitting down to read blogs, because you will find one blog, then see a link to another blog, then another, and another, and... you get my point.  Then, before you know it, you have been "surfing" the blogging world for a LONG time - two hours could pass before you know it!  But anyways, I enjoy doing that (not for hours - I actually never get time to do that until later on at night after the kids are in bed, and by then I am really too tired to surf for hours!).

Once you get going, you will find there all kinds of blogs, but mostly what I read are called, "Mommy Blogs" as well as cooking blogs.  In one way, reading all this is nice and encouraging when you read another mommy's blog who tells of some trial with their 3 year old that you are going through, and it helps you feel less alone in your situation.  But there is a danger I am seeing in this, and have been thinking about quite a bit lately.  And that is what I call Mommy Guilt.

I see some blogs where the mommy expresses concern over how her child is 2 and shows no interest in potty training, when everyone else in their MOPS group is either potty training at 2 or started earlier.  The mom is then expressing her concern for how her child is developing, and that maybe she, as the mother, has done something wrong to "cause" this "delay" in her child.

I will admit that I have fallen prey to this myself.  I have found myself reading a blog and see that some mom's daughter at age 2 can read Latin or something, and I feel guilty that I am doing something wrong because Leila still has a hard time with saying the whole alphabet.  I was finding that I was beginning to worry about things needlessly, when finally, the light bulb turned on and I reminded myself that every child is different, as is every mom, family, home, etc.

I guess what I am trying to say is that, although blogging is a wonderful thing and a great way to connect with other people whom you would never meet otherwise, there is a danger in comparing yourself and your life to others.  In all actuality, this is around even without blogs and the internet.  From a time when we were just young children, we are battling self confidence and comparing ourselves with others.  But we need to be aware of this and stop it from happening.

I have talked with other moms who, although not in outright words, have hinted at their concern over something their child was or was not doing, even though my children or someone else they know was doing that.  (Did that make sense??)  And my heart goes out to those.  I want to remind all those moms that every child is different, every home situation is different, etc.  You know your child best - and you know what they are ready for and when.

Now, there are so many books out there on parenting and child rearing, etc.  And that is all fine and good.  I am actually reading one right now that I am absolutely loving, and will tell you about it once I finish it.  But really, no one can tell you the magic trick that is unfailing to get your child to eat his peas, or to be "potty trained" at 18 months (??? someday I am going to write a post about potty training and my thoughts on it all - like what MY definition of potty trained is!).  There is no magic number or way to do this parenting thing.  The only thing we can do is seek the Lord and search His word on how to deal with OUR OWN family, with OUR OWN children!

I know that this may seem a little random, but hey, I am the Queen of randomness (just ask my hubby!).  But actually, I started to really think about it the other day when I was reading the blog of someone (I don't actually remember which one, or even know who the person was.)  But anyways, I was reading her blog for the first time (actually I don't even know if I could get back to her blog - I got there from a link from another bog I was at), and she was sharing her story of breastfeeding and how she has literally been nursing for the past 4 years straight.  And no, she isn't nursing her 4 year old, she has three children, and nurses all through her pregnancies, and then nurses two children until the oldest one stops on their own.

Well, my first reaction was shock - I had not actually heard of that before.  I mean WOW!  FOUR YEARS????  That's a long time.  Then, to my shame, my second reaction was very critical.  I mean, nursing two kids at once?  That's kinda weird.  It sounds like that mom has some separation issues. (That's what I was thinking - not what I think now).  Then my third reaction was guilt - like maybe I was less of a mom since I didn't do that, or that I stopped nursing both Liam and Leila at 9 months, and am wanting to stop now with Libby.  And that's when  I got to thinking about all this mommy guilt.

We all have experienced, I am sure.  I did right off the bat with Liam.  I had him while on staff at PCC, and when he was 3 months old, I had to return to work, so he went to their daycare.  I would go over once in the morning to nurse him, and there were always other nursing moms there and we would sit in rocking chairs and talk.  There were so many differing opinions and methods that I became worried, concerned I was doing everything wrong, guilty, etc.  But I thank the Lord I think I am doing much better in this area.  I have reminded myself that everyone is different.

So, am I a better mommy because I stay at home than those who go to work?  No.  Is someone else a better mommy because they use cloth diapers and I don't?  Nope.  Do I love my children more because I nurse my kids rather than just start off with formula?  No.  Am I better because I don't give my kids all the shots (or needles, as they are called here), but I still give them some shots, or is the mom who does not give their children any shots better?  Neither!

Okay, this is getting really long, so I will close for now.  It may seem random and like I am rambling, but I have been thinking about it for several days, and just wanted to jot down some of my thoughts.  What are your thoughts?  (Dare I ask that!?)

Until next time...